So, balancing work and school is super hard, especially since I really can't kick my procrastinating habit. Wal-Mart isn't as bad as most people say it is. I get decent pay (More than minimum wage) and 70% of the people are okay and I love getting paid. My job is just so monotonous though. And time consuming. I mean I can get an 8 hour shift (lasts 9 hours) that literal kills all but two of the hours that I'm functioning a day. And then there's 5 classes and for some stupid reason they want me to do stuff like homework of a certain quality.
But yeah, that's my major complain. I mean the fact that my mom is barely making it month to month also seriously sucks, but we're coming to accept it. Also the lack of a father kinda sucks...
I love my Droid X though. 500 times better than an iPhone, mostly cuz it can do anything an iPhone can, it cost me less, looks sexier, and does things an iPhone can't, like say it's own name (exactly like a pokemon).
(Sorry Heather, but...) I love my girlfriend.
Also: am becoming leet hacker (or should I say "1337 |-|4<|<3r") [if you can read that congrats] well at the very least i'm becoming better aquainted with computers and certain less-than-kosher programs and what-not. Thanks are much due to one "Stewie."
Well this is how I've decided to spend my Digital Photography class tonight, which Ben's Mom is in, which is kinda weird cuz that means I have more contact with her than him and I didn't think that would ever happen.
P.S. Did anyone understand the TPS report reference? Just curious.
P.P.S. Middle-grey. That is all.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A little spare time
It seems that all i get nowadays. Seriously my sociology class got out a little early and i'm in the library using the internet before i have to go to work. I've hated tuesdays cuz Wal-Mart has been making me work in-between my three classes today. So basically i leave home at 7 in the morening and get home around 9 at night.
Heather, I'm sorry I don't blog enough for you, but I still don't even have internet at my house and it becomes increasingly more frustrating with each passing day. I'm also sorry dinner hasn't worked out lately, but it might as soon as Friday. I gotta see what Tiffany is doing, but I have it off and she doesn't work fridays as far as i know, but she might have to go work a basketball game? I dunno, we'll see.
Things have been really bad lately. My mom is having serious trouble making it month to month as is saying that she just can't do it unless we get a serious stroke of luck. That isn't likely. Apparently she's too poor to make it, but not poor enough to get any kind of government aid. I'm trying to help the best I can, but I don't have a lot of spare income lately. She keeps talking about losing the house. It's likely she will, which is sad because she said that my dad told her to do her best to keep the house because someday it'll be valuable to her and us kids. That just makes it worse for her cuz she feels like she's breaking one of my dad's dying wishes. But she IS doing her best. I don't know... I may or may not have to find a place to stay for a couple of months to finish the semester here...
Things with Tiffany are as good as ever. She seriously is the best part of my life right now and we don't get to see each other nearly as much as we would like. But still, she's amazing.
My new phone is awesome. Droid X beats iPhone in my opinion.
Classes are alright, but i was talked into taking another class so i'm taking 5 and apparently if i get a 3.5 or higher, then i get a tuition waver. Just now am i realizing that i might not be here to utilize that. But between work fucking up my schedule and working me when i'm supposed to be unavailable and home work and actual class time i'm really close to over-loaded.
My dad's ashes came to us about a week or so ago. He was cremated on my mom's birthday. she freaked out and i came home from work to find her bawling her eyes out. sorry, i'm not paying much attention to proper capitalization.
Anyways, that's more or less the update. I'll try to blog again before the end of the month, haha.
Heather, I'm sorry I don't blog enough for you, but I still don't even have internet at my house and it becomes increasingly more frustrating with each passing day. I'm also sorry dinner hasn't worked out lately, but it might as soon as Friday. I gotta see what Tiffany is doing, but I have it off and she doesn't work fridays as far as i know, but she might have to go work a basketball game? I dunno, we'll see.
Things have been really bad lately. My mom is having serious trouble making it month to month as is saying that she just can't do it unless we get a serious stroke of luck. That isn't likely. Apparently she's too poor to make it, but not poor enough to get any kind of government aid. I'm trying to help the best I can, but I don't have a lot of spare income lately. She keeps talking about losing the house. It's likely she will, which is sad because she said that my dad told her to do her best to keep the house because someday it'll be valuable to her and us kids. That just makes it worse for her cuz she feels like she's breaking one of my dad's dying wishes. But she IS doing her best. I don't know... I may or may not have to find a place to stay for a couple of months to finish the semester here...
Things with Tiffany are as good as ever. She seriously is the best part of my life right now and we don't get to see each other nearly as much as we would like. But still, she's amazing.
My new phone is awesome. Droid X beats iPhone in my opinion.
Classes are alright, but i was talked into taking another class so i'm taking 5 and apparently if i get a 3.5 or higher, then i get a tuition waver. Just now am i realizing that i might not be here to utilize that. But between work fucking up my schedule and working me when i'm supposed to be unavailable and home work and actual class time i'm really close to over-loaded.
My dad's ashes came to us about a week or so ago. He was cremated on my mom's birthday. she freaked out and i came home from work to find her bawling her eyes out. sorry, i'm not paying much attention to proper capitalization.
Anyways, that's more or less the update. I'll try to blog again before the end of the month, haha.
Monday, December 27, 2010
(Michael) David Hair
David Alan Hair
March 30, 1950 - December 19, 2010
An amazing father
An even better man
I love and miss you Dad.
Good-bye
March 30, 1950 - December 19, 2010
An amazing father
An even better man
I love and miss you Dad.
Good-bye
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Howdy? Who the fuck says "howdy?"
So, per Heather's request I think I'm going to try to blog more often.
At the moment I'm listening to Pandora, my heavy metal station, by the way Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive apparently count as heavy metal? and Ozzy has come up 3 out of 6 times so far.
Things with Tiffany are good as always. It's been six and a half months and we've fought maybe once? I don't know if that counted or not... but as much as that is awesome it scares me? it makes no logical sense to think it but sometimes I can't help but feel like it's building up into one huge fight. Most of the time I just think it's awesome.
My dad sarted a new drug regiment and is doing better for now. It's good to see him up and about instead of stuck in bed or on the couch.
I found a source of free internet at my house. The connection is pretty bad sometimes, but it's better than nothing.
Fuck school haha. I need a break from it. Between work and school I have very little free time. I should be writing a critique for philosophy that due tonight but I can't think of what to write about.
Dinner with kara, heather, and tiffany was awesome. We need to do it more often and it turns out i'm not a bad cook so maybe it'll be our turn to do it.
Wal-Mart haha... what can I say, it's a job.
That's all I can think of. Peace out
At the moment I'm listening to Pandora, my heavy metal station, by the way Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive apparently count as heavy metal? and Ozzy has come up 3 out of 6 times so far.
Things with Tiffany are good as always. It's been six and a half months and we've fought maybe once? I don't know if that counted or not... but as much as that is awesome it scares me? it makes no logical sense to think it but sometimes I can't help but feel like it's building up into one huge fight. Most of the time I just think it's awesome.
My dad sarted a new drug regiment and is doing better for now. It's good to see him up and about instead of stuck in bed or on the couch.
I found a source of free internet at my house. The connection is pretty bad sometimes, but it's better than nothing.
Fuck school haha. I need a break from it. Between work and school I have very little free time. I should be writing a critique for philosophy that due tonight but I can't think of what to write about.
Dinner with kara, heather, and tiffany was awesome. We need to do it more often and it turns out i'm not a bad cook so maybe it'll be our turn to do it.
Wal-Mart haha... what can I say, it's a job.
That's all I can think of. Peace out
Friday, November 5, 2010
Update For People Who Still Occassionally Check Their Blogs
Hello everyone. How are you doing? Cool, cool...
This is how I'm doing:
At the moment I'm sitting in NPC's library until literally 30 seconds ago I was the only one in this room (the computer lab in the back). School has been mostly fun and more work than high school ever was (Sorry, even your class Ms. Abel.... Kathy...? whatever). I've been pumping out essays like a little asain kid pumps out shoes. Photography 101 is my favorite class I think, though I'm not terribly good at the whole film thing. I just want to pass and move on to the digital class, I think I'll do better there, and will be able to post my work somewhere for criticism. Philosophy is pretty cool, makes you think, you know? Psychology scares me as much as it intrigues me. My english class is alright, but kinda boring 60% of the time. I think I'll get straight A's, at least that't what I'm aiming and hoping for.
My family life has taken a turn for th worst in recent weeks. Two weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with stage three inoperable stomach cancer. He's going to die most likely. The Tuesday night after we found out he talked to me. It was the worst conversation I had in my life. It was also one sided mostly. I couldn't speak for trying not crying as my dad told me he was going to die and that is will most likely be long and painful. At the moment he's on morphine and some other meds, a lot of painkillers from what I understand. He has his last test today, a petscan to determine how long he has and if there is anything at all they could do. The cancer is really spread out and there's too much to kil with radiation, at least that's what the specialist told us.
My brother's wife is due with her baby any day now. I'm not going to make it down there to see Joseph Porter Hair come into the world. That sucks, but between school and work I just can't do it. I talked to him last night and he said they were probably going to make a trip up here. I hope they do, that would be really good.
My mom is holding up despite everything. She cries a lot, but that's not unexpected considering... The rest of the world isn't making it any easier on her. With winter closing in the shop is doing worse and worse each day. My dad is way past being able to work. She's worried that on top of everything she's going to lose the house and she doesn't know what she'll do...
Fuck, I don't know what I'll do either, but I'll live, I'm way more worried about her.
Sorry for the downing news. I don't even expect anyone to see this for a long time. Maybe by then I will have already gone to my first funeral.... Don't feel bad, if/when he does pass, it'll be better than him living in as much pain as he's in now.I almost hate being home because I can't stand seeing him like that. He's a tough son of a bitch, but I know what he's really feeling. I'm too much like him not to know.
On a different note, Tiffany and I just past the six month mark yesterday. There's probably a lot to talk about there, but I don't feel like now is the time.
I am still in show low, but most of the people i expect to eventually read this know that.
I think that's all the important stuff. I miss my last year of high school. When I graduated someone made a joke, "It's all down hill from here". Didn't realize it wasn't so much of a hill as a cliff.
That's probably an overstatement. It isn't that bad, but somedays are worse than others. Some are better too.
This is how I'm doing:
At the moment I'm sitting in NPC's library until literally 30 seconds ago I was the only one in this room (the computer lab in the back). School has been mostly fun and more work than high school ever was (Sorry, even your class Ms. Abel.... Kathy...? whatever). I've been pumping out essays like a little asain kid pumps out shoes. Photography 101 is my favorite class I think, though I'm not terribly good at the whole film thing. I just want to pass and move on to the digital class, I think I'll do better there, and will be able to post my work somewhere for criticism. Philosophy is pretty cool, makes you think, you know? Psychology scares me as much as it intrigues me. My english class is alright, but kinda boring 60% of the time. I think I'll get straight A's, at least that't what I'm aiming and hoping for.
My family life has taken a turn for th worst in recent weeks. Two weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with stage three inoperable stomach cancer. He's going to die most likely. The Tuesday night after we found out he talked to me. It was the worst conversation I had in my life. It was also one sided mostly. I couldn't speak for trying not crying as my dad told me he was going to die and that is will most likely be long and painful. At the moment he's on morphine and some other meds, a lot of painkillers from what I understand. He has his last test today, a petscan to determine how long he has and if there is anything at all they could do. The cancer is really spread out and there's too much to kil with radiation, at least that's what the specialist told us.
My brother's wife is due with her baby any day now. I'm not going to make it down there to see Joseph Porter Hair come into the world. That sucks, but between school and work I just can't do it. I talked to him last night and he said they were probably going to make a trip up here. I hope they do, that would be really good.
My mom is holding up despite everything. She cries a lot, but that's not unexpected considering... The rest of the world isn't making it any easier on her. With winter closing in the shop is doing worse and worse each day. My dad is way past being able to work. She's worried that on top of everything she's going to lose the house and she doesn't know what she'll do...
Fuck, I don't know what I'll do either, but I'll live, I'm way more worried about her.
Sorry for the downing news. I don't even expect anyone to see this for a long time. Maybe by then I will have already gone to my first funeral.... Don't feel bad, if/when he does pass, it'll be better than him living in as much pain as he's in now.I almost hate being home because I can't stand seeing him like that. He's a tough son of a bitch, but I know what he's really feeling. I'm too much like him not to know.
On a different note, Tiffany and I just past the six month mark yesterday. There's probably a lot to talk about there, but I don't feel like now is the time.
I am still in show low, but most of the people i expect to eventually read this know that.
I think that's all the important stuff. I miss my last year of high school. When I graduated someone made a joke, "It's all down hill from here". Didn't realize it wasn't so much of a hill as a cliff.
That's probably an overstatement. It isn't that bad, but somedays are worse than others. Some are better too.
Monday, December 28, 2009
HOLY Shit I'm Blogging!
So, at the moment it is 3:24 am in Sunny Southern California, minus the sun due to a late, or early, hour. Can't sleep. And apparently can't form complete sentences. I'm at Kyle's house and I can't stop sneezing, I think due to pet dander and shit, not that I'm really complaining (I never do that) I love all the animals and at one point this would not have bothered me at all, but I have lost my immunity.
Anyway I think I was going to blabber on about insomnia, sleep deprivation, and old Comedy Central TV shows, but I think I have something somewhat legitimate to talk about. I invite you to come with me as I travel along a flowing river of thought and ponder life's most persistent questions, feel free to decline the invitation, I probably would if I were you, but then again, I'm a douche so don't be like me.
Now, some may know I have a twitter, most will not, so I find my reposting of the following non-repitious... even though I'm repeating my own words.... okay I really need to "Stay on target!" here. Before coming to blogger I stopped by my twitter to find that pretty much everyone had stopped using it, so thus I was urged to post something to be slightly more original than everyone else! :)
This is what I wrote: My latest entry is from four months ago and it says, "Not sure what I want" funny how some things don't change
I sat there looking at the screen trying to think of something insightful, witty, charming, or just generally clever, and I noticed small light grey text beneath the text box that said, "Latest: Not sure what I want 4 months ago"
The significance lies in an earlier instance where I was responding to a facebook message and talking about my "college plans" I don't have any, and it's because I don't know what I want.
But then I remembered just before that I was on Myspace! And in a fit of stupidity, mixed emotions, and nostalgia I visited Jessyca's page. I know! I know! I'm weak! The point is, I remember trying to talk myself down from that ledge and thinking, "You didn't really want the relationship in the first place, you just want what you can't have; besides you don't even know WHAT you want...that is, except to get some action from time to time."
I am not a religious man, but I think God is trying to tell me something. Unfortunately, I don't speak Hebrew or All-Powerful-Deity, so as to what He/She is saying, I can only guess.
I'm thinking that I'm in a very mixed state right now and that this is causing me to be uncertain as to the things that I would like. I'm not sure what I want.
I've made friends and enemies in both SL and SD (btw: the fact that both places are two words and the first word starts with "s": coincidence? I think not). There are people who I can't imagine not seeing in both places, as well as people that I'd rather not ever set eyes on again. Arizona is the cheaper choice and it would make my mum happy, being closer to home. San Diego holds my memories and, in my opinion, better schools (though I think I'm factoring in location). And then what happens if I take the easy way out and have Uncle Sam make my decisions for me for the next four years? I don't fucking know.
Do I miss her or the idea of her? Is it even either or do I just think it's normal to miss your ex so I'm trying to do my best at not being relationship-retarded and in the process screwing up even more? I liked having someone there for me, or did I just like the intimacy? Do I even want to try for something else, or is not worth the drama and inevitable hurt?
I think I might have hit one of the many nails on its head. Maybe you know you've found someone right when your willing to risk the hurt for them. When the good outweighs the bad, maybe that's the trick. But until you're hurt you can't really know if the good outweighed the bad. There's a certain amount of blind faith involved. I guess that's love.
I digress. Point is it's now 4:00 and I'm quite sleepy. It was fun blogging again, but now I must leave and enter a world where everything is alright, and then I'll come back to reality and despite having put all this thought into it all, I still won't know what I want. For now, ignorance is bliss.
Anyway I think I was going to blabber on about insomnia, sleep deprivation, and old Comedy Central TV shows, but I think I have something somewhat legitimate to talk about. I invite you to come with me as I travel along a flowing river of thought and ponder life's most persistent questions, feel free to decline the invitation, I probably would if I were you, but then again, I'm a douche so don't be like me.
Now, some may know I have a twitter, most will not, so I find my reposting of the following non-repitious... even though I'm repeating my own words.... okay I really need to "Stay on target!" here. Before coming to blogger I stopped by my twitter to find that pretty much everyone had stopped using it, so thus I was urged to post something to be slightly more original than everyone else! :)
This is what I wrote: My latest entry is from four months ago and it says, "Not sure what I want" funny how some things don't change
I sat there looking at the screen trying to think of something insightful, witty, charming, or just generally clever, and I noticed small light grey text beneath the text box that said, "Latest: Not sure what I want 4 months ago"
The significance lies in an earlier instance where I was responding to a facebook message and talking about my "college plans" I don't have any, and it's because I don't know what I want.
But then I remembered just before that I was on Myspace! And in a fit of stupidity, mixed emotions, and nostalgia I visited Jessyca's page. I know! I know! I'm weak! The point is, I remember trying to talk myself down from that ledge and thinking, "You didn't really want the relationship in the first place, you just want what you can't have; besides you don't even know WHAT you want...that is, except to get some action from time to time."
I am not a religious man, but I think God is trying to tell me something. Unfortunately, I don't speak Hebrew or All-Powerful-Deity, so as to what He/She is saying, I can only guess.
I'm thinking that I'm in a very mixed state right now and that this is causing me to be uncertain as to the things that I would like. I'm not sure what I want.
I've made friends and enemies in both SL and SD (btw: the fact that both places are two words and the first word starts with "s": coincidence? I think not). There are people who I can't imagine not seeing in both places, as well as people that I'd rather not ever set eyes on again. Arizona is the cheaper choice and it would make my mum happy, being closer to home. San Diego holds my memories and, in my opinion, better schools (though I think I'm factoring in location). And then what happens if I take the easy way out and have Uncle Sam make my decisions for me for the next four years? I don't fucking know.
Do I miss her or the idea of her? Is it even either or do I just think it's normal to miss your ex so I'm trying to do my best at not being relationship-retarded and in the process screwing up even more? I liked having someone there for me, or did I just like the intimacy? Do I even want to try for something else, or is not worth the drama and inevitable hurt?
I think I might have hit one of the many nails on its head. Maybe you know you've found someone right when your willing to risk the hurt for them. When the good outweighs the bad, maybe that's the trick. But until you're hurt you can't really know if the good outweighed the bad. There's a certain amount of blind faith involved. I guess that's love.
I digress. Point is it's now 4:00 and I'm quite sleepy. It was fun blogging again, but now I must leave and enter a world where everything is alright, and then I'll come back to reality and despite having put all this thought into it all, I still won't know what I want. For now, ignorance is bliss.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
One Last Time
So as most people know, I'm not going to have internet at my house anymore, something about not having the money for that, but we can still have TV which no one in my family really watches. Pisses me off.
So today I make the trip back to Show Low. My iPod, which I borrowed from my dad, ran out of juice a long time ago, so I don't think I'm going to have good music to keep me company, that's a bummer. I was also up very late last night soooo I'm probably going to fall asleep behind the wheel, crash, and die, and it will be all your fault (you know who you are).
I don't know what I want. And everyone tells me to move back here, which coming from the Show Low crowd it's kinda like "Gee thanks, I wouldn't want me around either." and that's not what is meant, but I can't help but assume the worse, because I'm me.
So yeah, I don't really know what to say, I kinda feel like this should be a farewell of sorts, but I don't think anyone really cares if I lose internet, because I see most of the people who read this at school...or I used to. I'm going to miss last years seniors a little, there was a handful of really cool people in that class.
Well, it's been real blogger community. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Thanks for sometimes commenting on the stuff I posted. Thanks for putting up with me.
Peace and love.
So today I make the trip back to Show Low. My iPod, which I borrowed from my dad, ran out of juice a long time ago, so I don't think I'm going to have good music to keep me company, that's a bummer. I was also up very late last night soooo I'm probably going to fall asleep behind the wheel, crash, and die, and it will be all your fault (you know who you are).
I don't know what I want. And everyone tells me to move back here, which coming from the Show Low crowd it's kinda like "Gee thanks, I wouldn't want me around either." and that's not what is meant, but I can't help but assume the worse, because I'm me.
So yeah, I don't really know what to say, I kinda feel like this should be a farewell of sorts, but I don't think anyone really cares if I lose internet, because I see most of the people who read this at school...or I used to. I'm going to miss last years seniors a little, there was a handful of really cool people in that class.
Well, it's been real blogger community. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Thanks for sometimes commenting on the stuff I posted. Thanks for putting up with me.
Peace and love.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Raged.
Okay so...where to begin?
Dad canceled Internet at my house. I don't know how I will blog or share the little bit of my writ ting that I post up, or check the social networking sites that I hate on principle but I rely on to talk to some good friends.
Might move back to San Diego again, talked to my mom about it and she was cool with it. I'm not sure what I should do... maybe you guys can turn the comment section of this blog into a poll and cast your votes.
I have a court hearing thing or something... on the 11th, definitely looking forward to that.
Lost my car keys in the ocean, had to tow the car to a locksmith to sort out the problem.
Got a parking ticket because no one reminded me that I couldn't park on that side of the street on the first and third monday of the month, even though I asked them to remind me. =\
Got completely trashed with my brother last friday. Beer, whiskey, jeager, etc. playing Guitar hero was really really hard, but it WAS my first time ever on drums. Came out of it with no vomit or hang over, probably my one lucky break of the past month. That was a really fun night, my brother has some nice friends and he's very fatherly when taking care of his drunk friends...it was intersting to see that side of him.
I was told that I hadn't changed a bit since my friend connor had seen me last. I smiled and knew he was wrong, but I was glad that he thought so.
Hope everyone who still bothers to read this is having a good time doing their own thing. Peace and love all.
Okay so...where to begin?
Dad canceled Internet at my house. I don't know how I will blog or share the little bit of my writ ting that I post up, or check the social networking sites that I hate on principle but I rely on to talk to some good friends.
Might move back to San Diego again, talked to my mom about it and she was cool with it. I'm not sure what I should do... maybe you guys can turn the comment section of this blog into a poll and cast your votes.
I have a court hearing thing or something... on the 11th, definitely looking forward to that.
Lost my car keys in the ocean, had to tow the car to a locksmith to sort out the problem.
Got a parking ticket because no one reminded me that I couldn't park on that side of the street on the first and third monday of the month, even though I asked them to remind me. =\
Got completely trashed with my brother last friday. Beer, whiskey, jeager, etc. playing Guitar hero was really really hard, but it WAS my first time ever on drums. Came out of it with no vomit or hang over, probably my one lucky break of the past month. That was a really fun night, my brother has some nice friends and he's very fatherly when taking care of his drunk friends...it was intersting to see that side of him.
I was told that I hadn't changed a bit since my friend connor had seen me last. I smiled and knew he was wrong, but I was glad that he thought so.
Hope everyone who still bothers to read this is having a good time doing their own thing. Peace and love all.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
It's Been A Long Time Coming
Fuck the "free" world.
Hey guys, how have you all been? It's been quite sometime since I've blogged. I've kinda kept up with those of you who have blogged, though. So much has happened that I've been putting off telling the tales. But they are, afterall, cool stories, bro.
It's been almost 2 weeks since I drove to Phoenix to pick up my friends Sean and Kyle. That trip was awesome. On the way down, I got really excited. When I started going down the big downhill sweepers at 70+mph, I felt alive. Then rolling onto the 202, making it to Phoenix, one of the first real testiments to the fact that I need NO ONE, that...that fucking felt great. Then getting a little lost, that didn't matter. I didn't panick, I just asked for directions, I was just 1 turn away the entire time, I figured as much... most of this is meaningless to you. I couldn't care less to be frank. I don't live for anyone, I live for myself, and I blog for myself. Maybe you're lucky enough to be a passenger in my life for a while, but you're just along for the ride, you're not navigating.
I have a feeling this is going to be a long post... I have a lot on my mind.
The ride back, with kyle and sean now onboard, that seemed like it took long, but I think we were just having fun. I mean, there's nothing better than hitting 115, with my spedometer only reading to 85, flying by cars, and just having fun. Someday, recklessness will get me killed. I'll die with a smile on my face. How many other people can say that? Not too many...
I've also had a realization, brought on my an XKCD. But it's still interesting to think about this. There are sheeple, we all know this. They go about life doing thesame things. If you're a Fight Club fan, these people hold on to their possesions and likely obtain these things from Ikea. So these people are the ordinary. Then there are black sheeple. These are the people that understand the existance of sheeple and they think that because of this, they can become unique. What they don't understand is there are countless more of people thinking the exact same thing, "I am different." That's fine, I'm not knocking these people, it's a pretty happy way to live, but you're not a black sheep, you're a black sheeple. The final group of people are the outcasts, misfits, and geniuses. These are the people that are truly unique. They don't need to give themselves mental pep talks to make themselves think they're unique, they might not even think about it at all. They just are. These are the people who are naturally different. They do their own thing, they don't try to not conform, and thus conform, no, they are just themselves.
Anyways, food for my thought.
Highlights of Show Low:
Bruno (for the most part)
Half Blood Prince
Rope Swing
Cliff diving
hanging with friends.
late night hide and go seek
young love
heartbreak
endless inside jokes, references, and memes
Having my best friends there with me through it all
Iunno, I'm not feeling the want to go into detail right now, or ever... I don't know.. If you really want to know, fucking talk to me, I do exist in a more substantial form than words on your computer screen.
So we decided to leave for San Diego at about 6 o'clock at night wednesday. We stopped in Tempe for a late dinner and gas, then again in Yuma, for gas and energy drinks. I love driving, I'd love to do it for a career, but there are very limited job possibilites there... anyone up to sponser me?
Crashed at Kyles that night, didn't want to be rude to my grandma and grandpa. Showed up at their house at about 10:30 Thursday. My grandma said it was the best surprise of her life, and only the second time she'd ever been truly surprised. That was the best feeling... knowing my grandparents were that happy to see me, and then my grandpa told me that he was proud of me and trusted me completely. My Gramps is a very old fashion kind of guy, you don't earn that kind of respect from him easily. Suffice to say, It was one of the best things that's been told to me, could be number 1....made me happy....
(Kyle would like me to include the fact that as I write this he just broke 20,000 gamerscore for his Xbox Live account.)
Friday, went to the Mission Beach. Connor's family had rented a beachhouse there, it was nice. I was there for the better part of the day and succeeded in getting only slightly burnt. Looking forward to more beach days and less whiteness.
I went to church today, mostly because I can't tell my grandma that I don't want to go because I don't believe in god. Being the atheist and just general ass-hole that I am, I could not help but have some fun during mass. Saying prayers in a Sean Connery accent and singing loudly and obnoxiously to the songs were just two ways I enjoyed myself.
Anyways... It's nice to be back in San Diego. It's nice to be away from Show Low. It's nice. I needed this, like no one knew, I needed this.
Btw: if you need to reach me, call the cell: 928-242-5413
Hey guys, how have you all been? It's been quite sometime since I've blogged. I've kinda kept up with those of you who have blogged, though. So much has happened that I've been putting off telling the tales. But they are, afterall, cool stories, bro.
It's been almost 2 weeks since I drove to Phoenix to pick up my friends Sean and Kyle. That trip was awesome. On the way down, I got really excited. When I started going down the big downhill sweepers at 70+mph, I felt alive. Then rolling onto the 202, making it to Phoenix, one of the first real testiments to the fact that I need NO ONE, that...that fucking felt great. Then getting a little lost, that didn't matter. I didn't panick, I just asked for directions, I was just 1 turn away the entire time, I figured as much... most of this is meaningless to you. I couldn't care less to be frank. I don't live for anyone, I live for myself, and I blog for myself. Maybe you're lucky enough to be a passenger in my life for a while, but you're just along for the ride, you're not navigating.
I have a feeling this is going to be a long post... I have a lot on my mind.
The ride back, with kyle and sean now onboard, that seemed like it took long, but I think we were just having fun. I mean, there's nothing better than hitting 115, with my spedometer only reading to 85, flying by cars, and just having fun. Someday, recklessness will get me killed. I'll die with a smile on my face. How many other people can say that? Not too many...
I've also had a realization, brought on my an XKCD. But it's still interesting to think about this. There are sheeple, we all know this. They go about life doing thesame things. If you're a Fight Club fan, these people hold on to their possesions and likely obtain these things from Ikea. So these people are the ordinary. Then there are black sheeple. These are the people that understand the existance of sheeple and they think that because of this, they can become unique. What they don't understand is there are countless more of people thinking the exact same thing, "I am different." That's fine, I'm not knocking these people, it's a pretty happy way to live, but you're not a black sheep, you're a black sheeple. The final group of people are the outcasts, misfits, and geniuses. These are the people that are truly unique. They don't need to give themselves mental pep talks to make themselves think they're unique, they might not even think about it at all. They just are. These are the people who are naturally different. They do their own thing, they don't try to not conform, and thus conform, no, they are just themselves.
Anyways, food for my thought.
Highlights of Show Low:
Bruno (for the most part)
Half Blood Prince
Rope Swing
Cliff diving
hanging with friends.
late night hide and go seek
young love
heartbreak
endless inside jokes, references, and memes
Having my best friends there with me through it all
Iunno, I'm not feeling the want to go into detail right now, or ever... I don't know.. If you really want to know, fucking talk to me, I do exist in a more substantial form than words on your computer screen.
So we decided to leave for San Diego at about 6 o'clock at night wednesday. We stopped in Tempe for a late dinner and gas, then again in Yuma, for gas and energy drinks. I love driving, I'd love to do it for a career, but there are very limited job possibilites there... anyone up to sponser me?
Crashed at Kyles that night, didn't want to be rude to my grandma and grandpa. Showed up at their house at about 10:30 Thursday. My grandma said it was the best surprise of her life, and only the second time she'd ever been truly surprised. That was the best feeling... knowing my grandparents were that happy to see me, and then my grandpa told me that he was proud of me and trusted me completely. My Gramps is a very old fashion kind of guy, you don't earn that kind of respect from him easily. Suffice to say, It was one of the best things that's been told to me, could be number 1....made me happy....
(Kyle would like me to include the fact that as I write this he just broke 20,000 gamerscore for his Xbox Live account.)
Friday, went to the Mission Beach. Connor's family had rented a beachhouse there, it was nice. I was there for the better part of the day and succeeded in getting only slightly burnt. Looking forward to more beach days and less whiteness.
I went to church today, mostly because I can't tell my grandma that I don't want to go because I don't believe in god. Being the atheist and just general ass-hole that I am, I could not help but have some fun during mass. Saying prayers in a Sean Connery accent and singing loudly and obnoxiously to the songs were just two ways I enjoyed myself.
Anyways... It's nice to be back in San Diego. It's nice to be away from Show Low. It's nice. I needed this, like no one knew, I needed this.
Btw: if you need to reach me, call the cell: 928-242-5413
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Truth Comes In Tidal Waves
Have you ever had a dream so real, you thought it was reality?
Enjoy your matrix quote.
Everything is dark. You're blind. You see nothing. You're deaf. You hear nothing. You're mute. You cannot speak. You're numb. You feel nothing.
Or rather, there's nothing to feel.
Imagination kicks in.
There's light. You look around. You're in a familiar place on a bright sunny day.
There's sound. You hear voices and noises all around. You recognize a voice or two.
There are words. A simple greeting to stranger. A shout of joy for long lost friends.
There's warmth. From the sun's beaming rays. From the tight hug she loves to give.
Or rather, there's a memory.
You wake up, realize you're alone.
There's light. Harsh and unnatural from a florescent lamp. But you do not truly see.
There's sound. Cars rushing by. But you do not truly hear.
There are words. Choked on and muttered. But you do not truly speak.
There's nothing. Cold and empty spaces. You do not truly feel.
Or rather, there's no desire.
Enjoy your matrix quote.
Everything is dark. You're blind. You see nothing. You're deaf. You hear nothing. You're mute. You cannot speak. You're numb. You feel nothing.
Or rather, there's nothing to feel.
Imagination kicks in.
There's light. You look around. You're in a familiar place on a bright sunny day.
There's sound. You hear voices and noises all around. You recognize a voice or two.
There are words. A simple greeting to stranger. A shout of joy for long lost friends.
There's warmth. From the sun's beaming rays. From the tight hug she loves to give.
Or rather, there's a memory.
You wake up, realize you're alone.
There's light. Harsh and unnatural from a florescent lamp. But you do not truly see.
There's sound. Cars rushing by. But you do not truly hear.
There are words. Choked on and muttered. But you do not truly speak.
There's nothing. Cold and empty spaces. You do not truly feel.
Or rather, there's no desire.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I Almost Forgot
It's been a long time since I've been sad, I almost forgot what it felt like.
Thanks for reminding me, after all, the only thing worse than losing another, is losing yourself.
Thanks for reminding me, after all, the only thing worse than losing another, is losing yourself.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Brace For Awesome
Tomorrow, waking up at 7:30, leaving at 8:30. It's off to the races... if by races I mean Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix. From the Harbor, the winboat will disembark between noon and 1. Cargo will be two awesome people: Kyle Hudson and Sean Harris (prepare for German).
So yeah, I'm brimming with excitement in that non-sarcastic sort of way.
I just thought I'd give everyone fair warning before we destroy the city.
So yeah, I'm brimming with excitement in that non-sarcastic sort of way.
I just thought I'd give everyone fair warning before we destroy the city.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I love someone
and it's not you.
and it's definitely not me.
Nah, it's my parents. I've never had parental problems, they're there when I need them and they leave me alone most of the time. They let me be me, and they encourage me to do what I want (though oddly I can't always do it when I want).
My mom: "So, what are you going to do?"
Me: "Go to San Diego."
Mom: "Good, I'm glad you're going."
Hahaha, love it.
Random thought, I could really go for a good fist fight. Don't know why.. I'm not a fan of hurting people (in any way) but getting some frustration out and maybe taking a few hits to let me know I'm alive, sounds good.
Also, compliments sound 20 times better whilst you speak in a Shakespearean tongue. Thine eyes sparkle with the light of the stars.
I want to restore a car. There's this old Chevy pick-up for sale by Woody's and I wish we could buy it so me and my dad could restore it together, I think that would be beyond awesome.
I think the only way the up coming road trip could be better, is if we were doing it on bikes. I'd love to break in a new R6 by opening up the throttle heading west on the 8.
.... oh, and the only thing better than that is having a hot red-head on the back. hahahaha
I sound like my grandfather, though he's more partial to blondes.
So now I'm just writing to hear the keys and because I'm bored, so I'm done.
Peace and Love
and it's definitely not me.
Nah, it's my parents. I've never had parental problems, they're there when I need them and they leave me alone most of the time. They let me be me, and they encourage me to do what I want (though oddly I can't always do it when I want).
My mom: "So, what are you going to do?"
Me: "Go to San Diego."
Mom: "Good, I'm glad you're going."
Hahaha, love it.
Random thought, I could really go for a good fist fight. Don't know why.. I'm not a fan of hurting people (in any way) but getting some frustration out and maybe taking a few hits to let me know I'm alive, sounds good.
Also, compliments sound 20 times better whilst you speak in a Shakespearean tongue. Thine eyes sparkle with the light of the stars.
I want to restore a car. There's this old Chevy pick-up for sale by Woody's and I wish we could buy it so me and my dad could restore it together, I think that would be beyond awesome.
I think the only way the up coming road trip could be better, is if we were doing it on bikes. I'd love to break in a new R6 by opening up the throttle heading west on the 8.
.... oh, and the only thing better than that is having a hot red-head on the back. hahahaha
I sound like my grandfather, though he's more partial to blondes.
So now I'm just writing to hear the keys and because I'm bored, so I'm done.
Peace and Love
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Always Questions
I saw a facebook status update that said "I had a dream last night that i died.. :( Scariest effing thing of my life.. :("
I thought about it. This is what I thought.
Why is it death that scares you? Fear of the unknown. No longer being in control of what you do on this earth. The fear that there is nothing after this. The fear of being forgotten. Why do you not fear life? You don't know what's going to happen in life. You aren't always in control of your life. You are not always remembered in life. Life and death are equals, yet death is scary and life is exciting. People thrive off of not knowing what will happen to them in life. People spend their lives worrying about what will happen to them after death. "To the well trained mind, death is but the next great adventure."
I had a dream last night that I lived, it was the scariest thing of my life.
I thought about it. This is what I thought.
Why is it death that scares you? Fear of the unknown. No longer being in control of what you do on this earth. The fear that there is nothing after this. The fear of being forgotten. Why do you not fear life? You don't know what's going to happen in life. You aren't always in control of your life. You are not always remembered in life. Life and death are equals, yet death is scary and life is exciting. People thrive off of not knowing what will happen to them in life. People spend their lives worrying about what will happen to them after death. "To the well trained mind, death is but the next great adventure."
I had a dream last night that I lived, it was the scariest thing of my life.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Andy's Life
The sun beat down on his face and the warm sand crept between his toes as Andy walked down Pacific Beach. The smile on his face only grew as he walked past one bikini clad babe after another. He felt thirsty, so he took a sip of the water in his hand. He found a nice little stretch of beach with really no one on it. He shook out his towel and sat down. "Now a cold beer would complete the image." he thought to himself, so he reached into his cooler and grabbed one from the bottom. He took a sip, laid back, and closed his eyes. He thought about this cute girl he was crushing on from one of his classes.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"
The voice was female, calm, confident, and smiling. Andy opened his eyes in shock. What are the odds that the girl he was just thinking about had found him on that beach at that moment?
"Kirsten! Hey! What're you doing here?" he tried to keep his excitement down to a mild surprise.
"I was just strolling along with some friends when I spotted you and decided to come over. How are you?"
She had left her friends so come talk to him?
"Can't complain."
"You never can, can you?"
"Not while life is good and I'm still livin'."
She smiled. She really is beautiful.
"Mind If I join you for a while?"
Okay, leaving her friends to talk to him is one thing, but wanting to join him? What was going on? Was Kevin around somewhere and setting him up?
"Not at all. Did you want a a drink?"
"Umm, an ice-tea if you have one."
"Sure thing." He looked in the cooler and found a tea.
"Thank you kindly."
"You're most welcome milady." He smiled as she giggled. Things weren't going too bad at all.
He looked out to sea and let the salty air take him somewhere for a while. When he came back to where he was he looked at her and saw that she was smiling at him.
"There's something about you..." she trailed off as she leaned in. She's leaning in. He can't believe it. He moves forward to and closes his eyes. He can feel her there. Her lips mere centimeters away from his. They're about to meet in a fire of passion.
"ANDY, please join us back in reality!"
The entire class was now looking at him, including Kirsten a few seats away.
"Okay, time to say something funny." he thought to himself.
"Sorry, Mr. Swanson." was what he managed to actually say.
The class chuckled and Andy got red. He tried to smile at Kirsten, but she had already turned around and started chatting with her friends, probably about how much of a looser he was. So goes the life of Andy.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"
The voice was female, calm, confident, and smiling. Andy opened his eyes in shock. What are the odds that the girl he was just thinking about had found him on that beach at that moment?
"Kirsten! Hey! What're you doing here?" he tried to keep his excitement down to a mild surprise.
"I was just strolling along with some friends when I spotted you and decided to come over. How are you?"
She had left her friends so come talk to him?
"Can't complain."
"You never can, can you?"
"Not while life is good and I'm still livin'."
She smiled. She really is beautiful.
"Mind If I join you for a while?"
Okay, leaving her friends to talk to him is one thing, but wanting to join him? What was going on? Was Kevin around somewhere and setting him up?
"Not at all. Did you want a a drink?"
"Umm, an ice-tea if you have one."
"Sure thing." He looked in the cooler and found a tea.
"Thank you kindly."
"You're most welcome milady." He smiled as she giggled. Things weren't going too bad at all.
He looked out to sea and let the salty air take him somewhere for a while. When he came back to where he was he looked at her and saw that she was smiling at him.
"There's something about you..." she trailed off as she leaned in. She's leaning in. He can't believe it. He moves forward to and closes his eyes. He can feel her there. Her lips mere centimeters away from his. They're about to meet in a fire of passion.
"ANDY, please join us back in reality!"
The entire class was now looking at him, including Kirsten a few seats away.
"Okay, time to say something funny." he thought to himself.
"Sorry, Mr. Swanson." was what he managed to actually say.
The class chuckled and Andy got red. He tried to smile at Kirsten, but she had already turned around and started chatting with her friends, probably about how much of a looser he was. So goes the life of Andy.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Story Time
So after I got home last night, after a totally awesome day with some completely awesome people, I got a phone call from Show Low PD. I guess someone recognized me at K-mart...? Iunno, so Officer Call (that was cop's name) was kinda dumb, like no variation from usual cop routine, only asking questions to try and get you to lie so they can press more charges and what not, playing the "I'm a nice guy, but really I'm a dick" card. So anyways, he already knows what went down, so I didn't bother lying and he "appreciated my cooperation" I hate cops. Talking to him wasn't the worst part, it was being treated like a 5 year old when my mom and dad talked to me about it. Faux-concern for the scratched on my foot and hand to let me know they care about me and then right into a lecture of thanks for being an idiot, you just fucked up, do you even know what you did? Fuck that, I cut off my mom and told her that I had already beaten myself up about everything she was brining up. I know they're starting a business, I know they can't afford shit like this right know. I know that I'm not going down to SD anymore. I know I'm going to have to tell kyle and sean and see if they can get their money back for their plane tickets. I KNOW I FUCKED UP. So after I told them that they left because I literally said everything they could possibly say to me. I had already laid on my bed for 2 hours thinking about how much of a fuck up I am. I felt bad for kinda taking their lecture away from them, I know how much they love to say they're disappointed in me, when I fuck up even slightly, let alone when I fuck up this grandly. "Michael, you are capable of getting much better grades than this C, we're very disappointed in you." "Michael, you were out til 4 last night, you know that's not right, you're smarter than that, we're very disappointed in you." Awesome, just because I'm the least retarded of their kids, that means I have to live perfectly conformed to what they think I should do? No, that's not how I, ME, work.
So everyone who doesn't already know will ask me to relay the story to them, so I'm going to knock out a bunch of you in at once.
The group I was with went to Kmart because we were bored and had a bit more time before people had to get home. So the girls in the group started shopping and me and zach were bored so we went out into the parking lot to ride carts down the hill. Stupid parking lot was to bumpy for any kinda of speed to we just grabbed on cart and started pushing each other around the store. All was going fine until Zach got me up to running speed and let go and I went into an en cap display. So we tell the lady it wasn't us and continue about our business until we hear the call for security to review their tapes or something like that so me and zach decide to wait in my car. Anyways that's really the whole story, the girls finished shopping. I took everyone home and went home myself.
So everyone who doesn't already know will ask me to relay the story to them, so I'm going to knock out a bunch of you in at once.
The group I was with went to Kmart because we were bored and had a bit more time before people had to get home. So the girls in the group started shopping and me and zach were bored so we went out into the parking lot to ride carts down the hill. Stupid parking lot was to bumpy for any kinda of speed to we just grabbed on cart and started pushing each other around the store. All was going fine until Zach got me up to running speed and let go and I went into an en cap display. So we tell the lady it wasn't us and continue about our business until we hear the call for security to review their tapes or something like that so me and zach decide to wait in my car. Anyways that's really the whole story, the girls finished shopping. I took everyone home and went home myself.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
That's When It Happened
He's a lone ranger
Mysterious stranger
She's miss popular
Every girl copies her
He always walks alone
She always has her phone
He saw her the other day
She always looks his way
He didn't bat an eye
She felt her heart fly
He watched as she drew near
She wasn't used to fear
And that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He had been hurt before
A hurt that was still sore
His voice was icy cold
As the story was told
She cried a silent tear
He took a sip of beer
And then it was over
No chip off his shoulder
She wiped the tear away
And looked across the bay
But that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He grabbed her by the wrist
And stunned her with a kiss
He had so much passion
That this queen of fashion
Had felt her heart falter
Now dreams of the alter
And that's when it happened
Their whole world was flattened
They'll always remember
That night in December
Mysterious stranger
She's miss popular
Every girl copies her
He always walks alone
She always has her phone
He saw her the other day
She always looks his way
He didn't bat an eye
She felt her heart fly
He watched as she drew near
She wasn't used to fear
And that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He had been hurt before
A hurt that was still sore
His voice was icy cold
As the story was told
She cried a silent tear
He took a sip of beer
And then it was over
No chip off his shoulder
She wiped the tear away
And looked across the bay
But that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He grabbed her by the wrist
And stunned her with a kiss
He had so much passion
That this queen of fashion
Had felt her heart falter
Now dreams of the alter
And that's when it happened
Their whole world was flattened
They'll always remember
That night in December
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Maybe I Won't Look Back
In about a month, I'm going to be back in San Diego. Maybe I'll pack a little heavier than I originally planned. Then again, maybe I won't pack at all. Maybe I'll ask my grandparents if I could stay. I'll babysit the kids across the street, they think I'm fun and their parents are loaded. Maybe I'll start my old life back up. Or maybe I'll start a new one again. This time, it'll be what I want.
I moved here one year ago. I didn't want to. I cried in my grandparent's minivan when we left. I hid it by pretending I was asleep. Now, a year later, I still feel like a stranger to this town. I still feel out of place; an unfamiliar face.
So maybe I'll stay in SD. For a while. I don't think I want to stay in any one place too long any more. I wouldn't mind a life constantly on the road.
Don't get me wrong, I've come to like a lot of people here, I like most people, really. But, I still feel like I have no reason to stay. Like there's nothing left for me here.
I could help Sean fix his Dart and be there when he first cruises down the streets and turns heads.
I could hitch hike across the country. I could save enough money doing odd jobs to get to Europe and go from there.
I wish I lived in the late 1800's. When the days of the cowboy where still around. I could wander the west and get into fights. I could die in a show-down.
What's the modern version of a show-down?
I think I got off topic.... something about a loaded six string on my back...
It kinda feels like nothing in the past year has gone really right, and unfortunately, the world isn't a Disney movie, not everything works out in the end. So, maybe it's time for me to live like the reckless character in an S. E. Hinton novel. Maybe it's time for me to end my small town story and find something else.
Or, maybe it's not. Maybe I do have a reason to stay. I have a month to figure that out, now, don't I?
I moved here one year ago. I didn't want to. I cried in my grandparent's minivan when we left. I hid it by pretending I was asleep. Now, a year later, I still feel like a stranger to this town. I still feel out of place; an unfamiliar face.
So maybe I'll stay in SD. For a while. I don't think I want to stay in any one place too long any more. I wouldn't mind a life constantly on the road.
Don't get me wrong, I've come to like a lot of people here, I like most people, really. But, I still feel like I have no reason to stay. Like there's nothing left for me here.
I could help Sean fix his Dart and be there when he first cruises down the streets and turns heads.
I could hitch hike across the country. I could save enough money doing odd jobs to get to Europe and go from there.
I wish I lived in the late 1800's. When the days of the cowboy where still around. I could wander the west and get into fights. I could die in a show-down.
What's the modern version of a show-down?
I think I got off topic.... something about a loaded six string on my back...
It kinda feels like nothing in the past year has gone really right, and unfortunately, the world isn't a Disney movie, not everything works out in the end. So, maybe it's time for me to live like the reckless character in an S. E. Hinton novel. Maybe it's time for me to end my small town story and find something else.
Or, maybe it's not. Maybe I do have a reason to stay. I have a month to figure that out, now, don't I?
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