Another World

"Whose next? Mike, he set me onto this whole thing, probably my closest friend on an intellectual level, god damn why did you leave. Nothing is the same, german is gay, school is gayer, and just talking to you is gone, besides on the interbuttz. But we will have our time to be the kings we should be one day." -Sean Harris

So, apparently this blogging thing is spreading to my old friends, and i'm the carrier. That's one of my best friends, Sean. I've probably talked about him before in front of you guys.

You read the words of the first guy to ever make me cry, and the words he did it with.

Like i said we used to be great friends. Then i moved, and we drifted. I don't know.

I told kara today "time and space can't break bonds"

I guess they can't, but they can weaken them.

I'm not regretting moving.

No, i'm done with that.

I wouldn't be the person i am today if i hadn't moved.

So as i thought about it, i cried.

and i'm actually not afraid to admit that.

I used to, at one point.

I used to think i had to keep up the a-guy-doesn't-cry image.

I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me anymore.

So i had a tear on my cheek, but a grin on my face.

He's fucking right.

We are going to be kings.


PS FUCK SOCIETY

I've seen better days

Yeah, that's right, Sublime.

So yesterday ended up being pretty cool.

Only one thing specifically, but overall it was still good.

It was Seth's (Ben's lil bro) birthday.

He's such a cool kid.

He turned 10.

We played Harry Potter Clue, which was actually pretty fun.

There were some funny songs played.

"Dead puppies aren't much fun"

I gave Seth my watch, but i guess his dad wanted to give it back today.

that made me kinda sad actually.

Anyway yesterday was pretty good.

Today....was....

interesting.

First hour: Sub, we worked on a quiz as a group

i hope i was able to help people make heads and tails of that stuff.

Second hour: Kaiyla actually requested for people to stop assuming that i was perfect

She was kind enough to not mention names specifically, and i appreciated the effort

idk if it'll stick though

Lunch: Made up the Reproductive and Integumentary Systems test for Adv. Bio.

Probably failed, unless i get really lucky, then i'll get a C

Third hour: AIDS sucks really really really bad. (yeah i know stupid statement)

we're watching this Age of AIDS video, it's interesting, but also really scary and sad

Fourth hour: nothing, same old same old

So like i said: interesting

an ok day

i'm thinking about you

Forbidden Fruit

Why did Adam and Eve eat the apple?

They had everything they could ever want.

and God gave them one rule to follow.

don't eat the apple.

don't think about eating the apple.

don't dream about eating the apple.

don't even dream about thinking about eating the apple.

One simple rule to follow and humans couldn't do it.

I don't believe in god, or any religion at all.

I can see the value in Bible stories though.

and based on my experiences, nothing entices us more than what we can't have.

Most people will never become even slightly famous, but almost everyone would like to be famous.

People have celebrity crushes that will obviously not come true.

We want what we can't have.

And for every person it's different.

Everyone has their forbidden fruit.

"Do you get put on a pedestal a lot?"

Yeah i know i keep complaining about this, but goddamn, just because i put forth

some amount of effort in a class, i get the "genius" label.

I hate that so much.

Last semester it was English with Nikolaus, now it's History.

What's worse is the fact that Kaiyla is in that class too.

She is way smarter than me and she gets like no credit.

I don't care what anyone says, the "spotlight" sucks.

30 hours with only 3 hours sleep sucks, but i guess it's my own fault.

Couldn't sleep at all last night.

Too much on my mind.

Too much that i learned, and even more to come.

Didn't eat today.

Threw up this morning, and almost did it again in first hour.

I guess Dylan decided to be "cute" and drew i neat little caricature of me right on my windshield.

I was irrationally mad, but i was tired and annoyed.

Sped all the way home cause i was frustrated.

Got lucky, a cop saw me, but i went by too fast for him to react, i guess he just let it go...

Anyway, kind of a sucky day...

that's all i guess....bye...?

Hey kids! Do you like violence?

So i haven't blogged in a long time...

if that means anything....

I don't know, today was pretty much lame.

Hey, Ms. Abel:

I'm personally sorry for what was told to Prevo

no excuses, we were dicks

personally, i felt like it was my fault

if i could have not blown at relay

if i could have studied harder

longer

faster...?

no that's a song...

seriously though, if i could have idk

memorized my actual speech...?

or lived up to my math rep

or anything

personally, i don't know if prevo's score even counted

if his walking out of speech even effected the team

or if it was just Kim and Ashton's scores

21 motherboard fucking points

so we didn't really make state

really, i didn't expect to, especially when abel said,

"If we do make it to state it'll be because of (points to me)"

i'm a cocky, arrogant, douche, but if i was the difference maker

we were fucked from the start

then on top of all that bad news

Ben and Stuart get to have the medals taken away

FUCKING AWESOME!!!

way to go AcaMorons

Mornings suck

well...January Mornings suck

too goddamn cold

de-icing my car

numb hands

not bueno

Bitchy bitchy bitch bitch

yeah that's basically what's coming out of my mouth

well

it seems to me that i'm getting to know more people better

than i have before

old friends i realize are quickly becoming dumb

immature beyond all reason

which means something coming from someone in AcaDec

where the that's-what-she-said's, your mom jokes, and other such crude humor

then people whom i only knew of, or barely talk to

idk, out of the blue i'm more social with

what's with this new 3-d craze?

didn't this all happen already?

like a decade ago?

speaking of new trends

I hate the Arizona government

and i hate the fact academics takes a back seat to sports

oh? you say we need to make budget cuts?

ok then lets take the department that already recieve

the lowest funding and take it all away

cause for god's sake we can't touch the $100,000

football budget. no no no

that would be a travesty

So i'm guessing you're wondering why i quoted

Eminem in my title.

Well, i really don't know

that's just how i roll

The Beginning of the Middle of the Beginning, Nowhere Near the End.

So, I guess it's update time again, or rather blogging for the sake of blogging.

I got my Driver's License today. I'm was and still am pretty damn psyched about it(sorry Kim). As my dad said to my fit of laughter, "Getting your driver's license is on the same level to a guy as buying your first car, getting married, and, of course, your first lay." So, yeah, that happened this morning and pretty much made my day. I hope that the rest of the week is just as good.

AcaDec.... I love it; I love fooling around and just laughing for 2 hours straight, but I do agree that there should definitely be more studying done.

I drove by myself today, which was an awesome feeling of freedom.

I love helping people. LOVE it. Like last week, helping someone realize just how special they are, giving them an apparently needed self-esteem boost; it was a really incredible feeling. So, addiction to helping? ok, but the the opposite is true, i hate being helpless, not able to help myself or another; that is a really lame feeling.

Did I mention I got my license?

It took an hour and a half to sync my iPod, and it was only 1100 songs!!!! =[

So.... yeah... License anyone?

I think I'm going to write down my good/funny/insightful thoughts and post them cause I always forget them and I usually really like them.

"Experts on suicide"

I lie to myself.... or maybe it's i lie to other's about myself...? no it's both. I had a realization(while on the road hehe =]) that I'm more self-conscience than i would like to be, but it didn't used to be that way, it's grown since I've moved up here. I can't think of why, other than maybe I wanted to impress everyone up here, to achieve the same amount of respect and...likeablility..? that i had in SD. Oh well, just one more thing to work on.

"Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful." -Shakespeare

I just heard that randomly on the TV and i really like it.

Also, still very unsure about myself. I don't know what to do. I want time to think about it, but I have a lot less time than I used to.

So continues life.

"If you are lost, and I am lost, why don't we find each other." -me last week

Romanticism can lead to some interesting imagery.

Envy knows no bounds. You can be jealous of me for one tiny thing, but i fear i will never procure what you have attained( don't ask why i chose the fancier vocab).

Perspective, it's all about perspective....also timing, but i guess timing merely alters perspective so yeah....perspective.

I think that's it, more will happen to make me think new things and i'll try to write them down and select the best to post; should be interesting.

O Queso....

Last night, while I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, I somehow got on a thought train that led to some self-realization (apparently midnight is a good time to think about yourself). Anyway, what I realized was this: I am dysfunctional when it comes to feeling sad. I figured it was because I just don’t want to feel that way and that it’s not in my usual character to be like that, and also that I didn’t want people to know that I got sad. I know I’m freaking retarded and that makes no sense at all, but that’s how it was or is or whatever. Then I realized that instead of just being sad, I got frustrated, angry, not at anyone or anything, but at myself, just blaming myself for everything, and beating myself up about the littlest of things. I’m guessing that’s probably not exactly healthy for the psyche.

 

Anyway, I think I’m done with all that.

 

Something that Ben said today triggered another train of thought, this one merely speculative, not realizing. He said something along the lines of, “Be the prize.” And that my problem was I’m “too nice”. At the time I thought I understood all of it, but I’m not so sure. He’s probably right, but I don’t know why. Oh by the way it’s probably helpful if I clue you in on the fact that I’m talking about establishing a relationship, which I pretty much fail at in epic proportions. So I thought about it and yeah I’m really nice to the people I like, but honestly not that much more than I am to others. Or am I? I’m not exactly the most objective person when it comes to me; maybe everyone else is seeing something different than me. Maybe that is the reason why I get stuck in the “friend zone” cliché. I’m really nice so they think of me as a friend and nothing more? I guess that could be a possibility. I really have no idea.

 

It’s kind of nice to have homework again. I know right!?! Crazy! But I like having things to do, to keep me more focused. It’s also nice to have classes, well just one I guess, that I’m actually worried about failing. Adv. Bio…. I haven’t had biology since the seveth grade or something, I’m beyond rusty. So when Dr. Woodward says review cellular structure, to me it means go learn that stuff again. It’s interesting, I’m actually entirely dependent on myself to learn this stuff, which in some ways is really cool, but I’m also worried about not getting all the information I need.

Oh, I found this cool quote on I Wrote This For You, a really cool blog, anyway: "Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you." I like it. 

So, I guess that’s the update on Life as Hair. If you’re reading this then you must be really really really bored, but have a good day regardless.

The Train has Left the Station

All this happy train nonsense reminded me of that short story in our AcaDec Lit. guide "The Switchman". All that uncertainty of destination and timing. The fact that you never know where you are going to wind up and if you'll even arrive alive. Yeah all that; that's basically wow I feel about life and this "new year" everyone keeps speaking of. 

Guys all this means is Earth gets to go in the same damn ellipse(YAY TRIGONOMETRY!!!!! [can you feel the sarcasm]) as it always does. Taking us to the same places in the same space orbiting the same star that it has for last 4.5 billion years. I just don't see the fuss.

Also, new XKCD made me sad. I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM GO! THE SONG! THE DANCING IT WAS ALL SO PERFECT!!!!

So, you know what? (pause to give you time to guess)........FUCK IT

MY FIRST MUTHAFUCKING RICK ROLL OF '09 BITCHES!!!!!! enjoy.

Also, I thought i would update you on what songs I'm digging right now.

and

COME ON!!!! Lennon!!!! Clapton!!!! Richards!!! Mitchel!!!!! It would be hard to dream a better band!!!!

OH IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE: YEAH I MISSED THE FUCKING TRAIN! I DON'T KNOW IF IT LEFT BEFORE I GOT THERE OR IF I WAS TOO EARLY!?!

THE "ABILITY" WTF DOES THAT MEAN!?!