The Beginning of the Middle of the Beginning, Nowhere Near the End.

So, I guess it's update time again, or rather blogging for the sake of blogging.

I got my Driver's License today. I'm was and still am pretty damn psyched about it(sorry Kim). As my dad said to my fit of laughter, "Getting your driver's license is on the same level to a guy as buying your first car, getting married, and, of course, your first lay." So, yeah, that happened this morning and pretty much made my day. I hope that the rest of the week is just as good.

AcaDec.... I love it; I love fooling around and just laughing for 2 hours straight, but I do agree that there should definitely be more studying done.

I drove by myself today, which was an awesome feeling of freedom.

I love helping people. LOVE it. Like last week, helping someone realize just how special they are, giving them an apparently needed self-esteem boost; it was a really incredible feeling. So, addiction to helping? ok, but the the opposite is true, i hate being helpless, not able to help myself or another; that is a really lame feeling.

Did I mention I got my license?

It took an hour and a half to sync my iPod, and it was only 1100 songs!!!! =[

So.... yeah... License anyone?

I think I'm going to write down my good/funny/insightful thoughts and post them cause I always forget them and I usually really like them.

"Experts on suicide"

I lie to myself.... or maybe it's i lie to other's about myself...? no it's both. I had a realization(while on the road hehe =]) that I'm more self-conscience than i would like to be, but it didn't used to be that way, it's grown since I've moved up here. I can't think of why, other than maybe I wanted to impress everyone up here, to achieve the same amount of respect and...likeablility..? that i had in SD. Oh well, just one more thing to work on.

"Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful." -Shakespeare

I just heard that randomly on the TV and i really like it.

Also, still very unsure about myself. I don't know what to do. I want time to think about it, but I have a lot less time than I used to.

So continues life.

"If you are lost, and I am lost, why don't we find each other." -me last week

Romanticism can lead to some interesting imagery.

Envy knows no bounds. You can be jealous of me for one tiny thing, but i fear i will never procure what you have attained( don't ask why i chose the fancier vocab).

Perspective, it's all about perspective....also timing, but i guess timing merely alters perspective so yeah....perspective.

I think that's it, more will happen to make me think new things and i'll try to write them down and select the best to post; should be interesting.

O Queso....

Last night, while I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, I somehow got on a thought train that led to some self-realization (apparently midnight is a good time to think about yourself). Anyway, what I realized was this: I am dysfunctional when it comes to feeling sad. I figured it was because I just don’t want to feel that way and that it’s not in my usual character to be like that, and also that I didn’t want people to know that I got sad. I know I’m freaking retarded and that makes no sense at all, but that’s how it was or is or whatever. Then I realized that instead of just being sad, I got frustrated, angry, not at anyone or anything, but at myself, just blaming myself for everything, and beating myself up about the littlest of things. I’m guessing that’s probably not exactly healthy for the psyche.

 

Anyway, I think I’m done with all that.

 

Something that Ben said today triggered another train of thought, this one merely speculative, not realizing. He said something along the lines of, “Be the prize.” And that my problem was I’m “too nice”. At the time I thought I understood all of it, but I’m not so sure. He’s probably right, but I don’t know why. Oh by the way it’s probably helpful if I clue you in on the fact that I’m talking about establishing a relationship, which I pretty much fail at in epic proportions. So I thought about it and yeah I’m really nice to the people I like, but honestly not that much more than I am to others. Or am I? I’m not exactly the most objective person when it comes to me; maybe everyone else is seeing something different than me. Maybe that is the reason why I get stuck in the “friend zone” cliché. I’m really nice so they think of me as a friend and nothing more? I guess that could be a possibility. I really have no idea.

 

It’s kind of nice to have homework again. I know right!?! Crazy! But I like having things to do, to keep me more focused. It’s also nice to have classes, well just one I guess, that I’m actually worried about failing. Adv. Bio…. I haven’t had biology since the seveth grade or something, I’m beyond rusty. So when Dr. Woodward says review cellular structure, to me it means go learn that stuff again. It’s interesting, I’m actually entirely dependent on myself to learn this stuff, which in some ways is really cool, but I’m also worried about not getting all the information I need.

Oh, I found this cool quote on I Wrote This For You, a really cool blog, anyway: "Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you." I like it. 

So, I guess that’s the update on Life as Hair. If you’re reading this then you must be really really really bored, but have a good day regardless.

The Train has Left the Station

All this happy train nonsense reminded me of that short story in our AcaDec Lit. guide "The Switchman". All that uncertainty of destination and timing. The fact that you never know where you are going to wind up and if you'll even arrive alive. Yeah all that; that's basically wow I feel about life and this "new year" everyone keeps speaking of. 

Guys all this means is Earth gets to go in the same damn ellipse(YAY TRIGONOMETRY!!!!! [can you feel the sarcasm]) as it always does. Taking us to the same places in the same space orbiting the same star that it has for last 4.5 billion years. I just don't see the fuss.

Also, new XKCD made me sad. I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM GO! THE SONG! THE DANCING IT WAS ALL SO PERFECT!!!!

So, you know what? (pause to give you time to guess)........FUCK IT

MY FIRST MUTHAFUCKING RICK ROLL OF '09 BITCHES!!!!!! enjoy.

Also, I thought i would update you on what songs I'm digging right now.

and

COME ON!!!! Lennon!!!! Clapton!!!! Richards!!! Mitchel!!!!! It would be hard to dream a better band!!!!

OH IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE: YEAH I MISSED THE FUCKING TRAIN! I DON'T KNOW IF IT LEFT BEFORE I GOT THERE OR IF I WAS TOO EARLY!?!

THE "ABILITY" WTF DOES THAT MEAN!?!