HOLY Shit I'm Blogging!

So, at the moment it is 3:24 am in Sunny Southern California, minus the sun due to a late, or early, hour. Can't sleep. And apparently can't form complete sentences. I'm at Kyle's house and I can't stop sneezing, I think due to pet dander and shit, not that I'm really complaining (I never do that) I love all the animals and at one point this would not have bothered me at all, but I have lost my immunity.

Anyway I think I was going to blabber on about insomnia, sleep deprivation, and old Comedy Central TV shows, but I think I have something somewhat legitimate to talk about. I invite you to come with me as I travel along a flowing river of thought and ponder life's most persistent questions, feel free to decline the invitation, I probably would if I were you, but then again, I'm a douche so don't be like me.

Now, some may know I have a twitter, most will not, so I find my reposting of the following non-repitious... even though I'm repeating my own words.... okay I really need to "Stay on target!" here. Before coming to blogger I stopped by my twitter to find that pretty much everyone had stopped using it, so thus I was urged to post something to be slightly more original than everyone else! :)

This is what I wrote: My latest entry is from four months ago and it says, "Not sure what I want" funny how some things don't change

I sat there looking at the screen trying to think of something insightful, witty, charming, or just generally clever, and I noticed small light grey text beneath the text box that said, "Latest: Not sure what I want 4 months ago"

The significance lies in an earlier instance where I was responding to a facebook message and talking about my "college plans" I don't have any, and it's because I don't know what I want.

But then I remembered just before that I was on Myspace! And in a fit of stupidity, mixed emotions, and nostalgia I visited Jessyca's page. I know! I know! I'm weak! The point is, I remember trying to talk myself down from that ledge and thinking, "You didn't really want the relationship in the first place, you just want what you can't have; besides you don't even know WHAT you want...that is, except to get some action from time to time."

I am not a religious man, but I think God is trying to tell me something. Unfortunately, I don't speak Hebrew or All-Powerful-Deity, so as to what He/She is saying, I can only guess.

I'm thinking that I'm in a very mixed state right now and that this is causing me to be uncertain as to the things that I would like. I'm not sure what I want.

I've made friends and enemies in both SL and SD (btw: the fact that both places are two words and the first word starts with "s": coincidence? I think not). There are people who I can't imagine not seeing in both places, as well as people that I'd rather not ever set eyes on again. Arizona is the cheaper choice and it would make my mum happy, being closer to home. San Diego holds my memories and, in my opinion, better schools (though I think I'm factoring in location). And then what happens if I take the easy way out and have Uncle Sam make my decisions for me for the next four years? I don't fucking know.

Do I miss her or the idea of her? Is it even either or do I just think it's normal to miss your ex so I'm trying to do my best at not being relationship-retarded and in the process screwing up even more? I liked having someone there for me, or did I just like the intimacy? Do I even want to try for something else, or is not worth the drama and inevitable hurt?

I think I might have hit one of the many nails on its head. Maybe you know you've found someone right when your willing to risk the hurt for them. When the good outweighs the bad, maybe that's the trick. But until you're hurt you can't really know if the good outweighed the bad. There's a certain amount of blind faith involved. I guess that's love.

I digress. Point is it's now 4:00 and I'm quite sleepy. It was fun blogging again, but now I must leave and enter a world where everything is alright, and then I'll come back to reality and despite having put all this thought into it all, I still won't know what I want. For now, ignorance is bliss.

One Last Time

So as most people know, I'm not going to have internet at my house anymore, something about not having the money for that, but we can still have TV which no one in my family really watches. Pisses me off.

So today I make the trip back to Show Low. My iPod, which I borrowed from my dad, ran out of juice a long time ago, so I don't think I'm going to have good music to keep me company, that's a bummer. I was also up very late last night soooo I'm probably going to fall asleep behind the wheel, crash, and die, and it will be all your fault (you know who you are).

I don't know what I want. And everyone tells me to move back here, which coming from the Show Low crowd it's kinda like "Gee thanks, I wouldn't want me around either." and that's not what is meant, but I can't help but assume the worse, because I'm me.

So yeah, I don't really know what to say, I kinda feel like this should be a farewell of sorts, but I don't think anyone really cares if I lose internet, because I see most of the people who read this at school...or I used to. I'm going to miss last years seniors a little, there was a handful of really cool people in that class.

Well, it's been real blogger community. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Thanks for sometimes commenting on the stuff I posted. Thanks for putting up with me.

Peace and love.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Raged.

Okay so...where to begin?
Dad canceled Internet at my house. I don't know how I will blog or share the little bit of my writ ting that I post up, or check the social networking sites that I hate on principle but I rely on to talk to some good friends.

Might move back to San Diego again, talked to my mom about it and she was cool with it. I'm not sure what I should do... maybe you guys can turn the comment section of this blog into a poll and cast your votes.

I have a court hearing thing or something... on the 11th, definitely looking forward to that.

Lost my car keys in the ocean, had to tow the car to a locksmith to sort out the problem.

Got a parking ticket because no one reminded me that I couldn't park on that side of the street on the first and third monday of the month, even though I asked them to remind me. =\

Got completely trashed with my brother last friday. Beer, whiskey, jeager, etc. playing Guitar hero was really really hard, but it WAS my first time ever on drums. Came out of it with no vomit or hang over, probably my one lucky break of the past month. That was a really fun night, my brother has some nice friends and he's very fatherly when taking care of his drunk friends...it was intersting to see that side of him.

I was told that I hadn't changed a bit since my friend connor had seen me last. I smiled and knew he was wrong, but I was glad that he thought so.

Hope everyone who still bothers to read this is having a good time doing their own thing. Peace and love all.

It's Been A Long Time Coming

Fuck the "free" world.

Hey guys, how have you all been? It's been quite sometime since I've blogged. I've kinda kept up with those of you who have blogged, though. So much has happened that I've been putting off telling the tales. But they are, afterall, cool stories, bro.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I drove to Phoenix to pick up my friends Sean and Kyle. That trip was awesome. On the way down, I got really excited. When I started going down the big downhill sweepers at 70+mph, I felt alive. Then rolling onto the 202, making it to Phoenix, one of the first real testiments to the fact that I need NO ONE, that...that fucking felt great. Then getting a little lost, that didn't matter. I didn't panick, I just asked for directions, I was just 1 turn away the entire time, I figured as much... most of this is meaningless to you. I couldn't care less to be frank. I don't live for anyone, I live for myself, and I blog for myself. Maybe you're lucky enough to be a passenger in my life for a while, but you're just along for the ride, you're not navigating.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long post... I have a lot on my mind.

The ride back, with kyle and sean now onboard, that seemed like it took long, but I think we were just having fun. I mean, there's nothing better than hitting 115, with my spedometer only reading to 85, flying by cars, and just having fun. Someday, recklessness will get me killed. I'll die with a smile on my face. How many other people can say that? Not too many...

I've also had a realization, brought on my an XKCD. But it's still interesting to think about this. There are sheeple, we all know this. They go about life doing thesame things. If you're a Fight Club fan, these people hold on to their possesions and likely obtain these things from Ikea. So these people are the ordinary. Then there are black sheeple. These are the people that understand the existance of sheeple and they think that because of this, they can become unique. What they don't understand is there are countless more of people thinking the exact same thing, "I am different." That's fine, I'm not knocking these people, it's a pretty happy way to live, but you're not a black sheep, you're a black sheeple. The final group of people are the outcasts, misfits, and geniuses. These are the people that are truly unique. They don't need to give themselves mental pep talks to make themselves think they're unique, they might not even think about it at all. They just are. These are the people who are naturally different. They do their own thing, they don't try to not conform, and thus conform, no, they are just themselves.

Anyways, food for my thought.

Highlights of Show Low:
Bruno (for the most part)
Half Blood Prince
Rope Swing
Cliff diving
hanging with friends.
late night hide and go seek
young love
heartbreak
endless inside jokes, references, and memes
Having my best friends there with me through it all

Iunno, I'm not feeling the want to go into detail right now, or ever... I don't know.. If you really want to know, fucking talk to me, I do exist in a more substantial form than words on your computer screen.

So we decided to leave for San Diego at about 6 o'clock at night wednesday. We stopped in Tempe for a late dinner and gas, then again in Yuma, for gas and energy drinks. I love driving, I'd love to do it for a career, but there are very limited job possibilites there... anyone up to sponser me?

Crashed at Kyles that night, didn't want to be rude to my grandma and grandpa. Showed up at their house at about 10:30 Thursday. My grandma said it was the best surprise of her life, and only the second time she'd ever been truly surprised. That was the best feeling... knowing my grandparents were that happy to see me, and then my grandpa told me that he was proud of me and trusted me completely. My Gramps is a very old fashion kind of guy, you don't earn that kind of respect from him easily. Suffice to say, It was one of the best things that's been told to me, could be number 1....made me happy....

(Kyle would like me to include the fact that as I write this he just broke 20,000 gamerscore for his Xbox Live account.)

Friday, went to the Mission Beach. Connor's family had rented a beachhouse there, it was nice. I was there for the better part of the day and succeeded in getting only slightly burnt. Looking forward to more beach days and less whiteness.

I went to church today, mostly because I can't tell my grandma that I don't want to go because I don't believe in god. Being the atheist and just general ass-hole that I am, I could not help but have some fun during mass. Saying prayers in a Sean Connery accent and singing loudly and obnoxiously to the songs were just two ways I enjoyed myself.

Anyways... It's nice to be back in San Diego. It's nice to be away from Show Low. It's nice. I needed this, like no one knew, I needed this.

Btw: if you need to reach me, call the cell: 928-242-5413

The Truth Comes In Tidal Waves

Have you ever had a dream so real, you thought it was reality?
Enjoy your matrix quote.

Everything is dark. You're blind. You see nothing. You're deaf. You hear nothing. You're mute. You cannot speak. You're numb. You feel nothing.
Or rather, there's nothing to feel.
Imagination kicks in.
There's light. You look around. You're in a familiar place on a bright sunny day.
There's sound. You hear voices and noises all around. You recognize a voice or two.
There are words. A simple greeting to stranger. A shout of joy for long lost friends.
There's warmth. From the sun's beaming rays. From the tight hug she loves to give.
Or rather, there's a memory.
You wake up, realize you're alone.
There's light. Harsh and unnatural from a florescent lamp. But you do not truly see.
There's sound. Cars rushing by. But you do not truly hear.
There are words. Choked on and muttered. But you do not truly speak.
There's nothing. Cold and empty spaces. You do not truly feel.
Or rather, there's no desire.

I Almost Forgot

It's been a long time since I've been sad, I almost forgot what it felt like.

Thanks for reminding me, after all, the only thing worse than losing another, is losing yourself.

Fuck

That's all I have to say.

Brace For Awesome

Tomorrow, waking up at 7:30, leaving at 8:30. It's off to the races... if by races I mean Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix. From the Harbor, the winboat will disembark between noon and 1. Cargo will be two awesome people: Kyle Hudson and Sean Harris (prepare for German).

So yeah, I'm brimming with excitement in that non-sarcastic sort of way.

I just thought I'd give everyone fair warning before we destroy the city.

I have a bone to pick...

... up because it fell on the floor. :|

I love someone

and it's not you.

and it's definitely not me.

Nah, it's my parents. I've never had parental problems, they're there when I need them and they leave me alone most of the time. They let me be me, and they encourage me to do what I want (though oddly I can't always do it when I want).

My mom: "So, what are you going to do?"
Me: "Go to San Diego."
Mom: "Good, I'm glad you're going."

Hahaha, love it.

Random thought, I could really go for a good fist fight. Don't know why.. I'm not a fan of hurting people (in any way) but getting some frustration out and maybe taking a few hits to let me know I'm alive, sounds good.

Also, compliments sound 20 times better whilst you speak in a Shakespearean tongue. Thine eyes sparkle with the light of the stars.

I want to restore a car. There's this old Chevy pick-up for sale by Woody's and I wish we could buy it so me and my dad could restore it together, I think that would be beyond awesome.

I think the only way the up coming road trip could be better, is if we were doing it on bikes. I'd love to break in a new R6 by opening up the throttle heading west on the 8.
.... oh, and the only thing better than that is having a hot red-head on the back. hahahaha
I sound like my grandfather, though he's more partial to blondes.

So now I'm just writing to hear the keys and because I'm bored, so I'm done.

Peace and Love

Always Questions

I saw a facebook status update that said "I had a dream last night that i died.. :( Scariest effing thing of my life.. :("

I thought about it. This is what I thought.

Why is it death that scares you? Fear of the unknown. No longer being in control of what you do on this earth. The fear that there is nothing after this. The fear of being forgotten. Why do you not fear life? You don't know what's going to happen in life. You aren't always in control of your life. You are not always remembered in life. Life and death are equals, yet death is scary and life is exciting. People thrive off of not knowing what will happen to them in life. People spend their lives worrying about what will happen to them after death. "To the well trained mind, death is but the next great adventure."

I had a dream last night that I lived, it was the scariest thing of my life.

Andy's Life

The sun beat down on his face and the warm sand crept between his toes as Andy walked down Pacific Beach. The smile on his face only grew as he walked past one bikini clad babe after another. He felt thirsty, so he took a sip of the water in his hand. He found a nice little stretch of beach with really no one on it. He shook out his towel and sat down. "Now a cold beer would complete the image." he thought to himself, so he reached into his cooler and grabbed one from the bottom. He took a sip, laid back, and closed his eyes. He thought about this cute girl he was crushing on from one of his classes.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"
The voice was female, calm, confident, and smiling. Andy opened his eyes in shock. What are the odds that the girl he was just thinking about had found him on that beach at that moment?
"Kirsten! Hey! What're you doing here?" he tried to keep his excitement down to a mild surprise.
"I was just strolling along with some friends when I spotted you and decided to come over. How are you?"
She had left her friends so come talk to him?
"Can't complain."
"You never can, can you?"
"Not while life is good and I'm still livin'."
She smiled. She really is beautiful.
"Mind If I join you for a while?"
Okay, leaving her friends to talk to him is one thing, but wanting to join him? What was going on? Was Kevin around somewhere and setting him up?
"Not at all. Did you want a a drink?"
"Umm, an ice-tea if you have one."
"Sure thing." He looked in the cooler and found a tea.
"Thank you kindly."
"You're most welcome milady." He smiled as she giggled. Things weren't going too bad at all.
He looked out to sea and let the salty air take him somewhere for a while. When he came back to where he was he looked at her and saw that she was smiling at him.
"There's something about you..." she trailed off as she leaned in. She's leaning in. He can't believe it. He moves forward to and closes his eyes. He can feel her there. Her lips mere centimeters away from his. They're about to meet in a fire of passion.
"ANDY, please join us back in reality!"
The entire class was now looking at him, including Kirsten a few seats away.
"Okay, time to say something funny." he thought to himself.
"Sorry, Mr. Swanson." was what he managed to actually say.
The class chuckled and Andy got red. He tried to smile at Kirsten, but she had already turned around and started chatting with her friends, probably about how much of a looser he was. So goes the life of Andy.

Story Time

So after I got home last night, after a totally awesome day with some completely awesome people, I got a phone call from Show Low PD. I guess someone recognized me at K-mart...? Iunno, so Officer Call (that was cop's name) was kinda dumb, like no variation from usual cop routine, only asking questions to try and get you to lie so they can press more charges and what not, playing the "I'm a nice guy, but really I'm a dick" card. So anyways, he already knows what went down, so I didn't bother lying and he "appreciated my cooperation" I hate cops. Talking to him wasn't the worst part, it was being treated like a 5 year old when my mom and dad talked to me about it. Faux-concern for the scratched on my foot and hand to let me know they care about me and then right into a lecture of thanks for being an idiot, you just fucked up, do you even know what you did? Fuck that, I cut off my mom and told her that I had already beaten myself up about everything she was brining up. I know they're starting a business, I know they can't afford shit like this right know. I know that I'm not going down to SD anymore. I know I'm going to have to tell kyle and sean and see if they can get their money back for their plane tickets. I KNOW I FUCKED UP. So after I told them that they left because I literally said everything they could possibly say to me. I had already laid on my bed for 2 hours thinking about how much of a fuck up I am. I felt bad for kinda taking their lecture away from them, I know how much they love to say they're disappointed in me, when I fuck up even slightly, let alone when I fuck up this grandly. "Michael, you are capable of getting much better grades than this C, we're very disappointed in you." "Michael, you were out til 4 last night, you know that's not right, you're smarter than that, we're very disappointed in you." Awesome, just because I'm the least retarded of their kids, that means I have to live perfectly conformed to what they think I should do? No, that's not how I, ME, work.

So everyone who doesn't already know will ask me to relay the story to them, so I'm going to knock out a bunch of you in at once.

The group I was with went to Kmart because we were bored and had a bit more time before people had to get home. So the girls in the group started shopping and me and zach were bored so we went out into the parking lot to ride carts down the hill. Stupid parking lot was to bumpy for any kinda of speed to we just grabbed on cart and started pushing each other around the store. All was going fine until Zach got me up to running speed and let go and I went into an en cap display. So we tell the lady it wasn't us and continue about our business until we hear the call for security to review their tapes or something like that so me and zach decide to wait in my car. Anyways that's really the whole story, the girls finished shopping. I took everyone home and went home myself.

That's When It Happened

He's a lone ranger
Mysterious stranger
She's miss popular
Every girl copies her
He always walks alone
She always has her phone
He saw her the other day
She always looks his way
He didn't bat an eye
She felt her heart fly
He watched as she drew near
She wasn't used to fear
And that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He had been hurt before
A hurt that was still sore
His voice was icy cold
As the story was told
She cried a silent tear
He took a sip of beer
And then it was over
No chip off his shoulder
She wiped the tear away
And looked across the bay
But that's when it happened
Her whole world was flattened
He grabbed her by the wrist
And stunned her with a kiss
He had so much passion
That this queen of fashion
Had felt her heart falter
Now dreams of the alter
And that's when it happened
Their whole world was flattened
They'll always remember
That night in December

Maybe I Won't Look Back

In about a month, I'm going to be back in San Diego. Maybe I'll pack a little heavier than I originally planned. Then again, maybe I won't pack at all. Maybe I'll ask my grandparents if I could stay. I'll babysit the kids across the street, they think I'm fun and their parents are loaded. Maybe I'll start my old life back up. Or maybe I'll start a new one again. This time, it'll be what I want.

I moved here one year ago. I didn't want to. I cried in my grandparent's minivan when we left. I hid it by pretending I was asleep. Now, a year later, I still feel like a stranger to this town. I still feel out of place; an unfamiliar face.

So maybe I'll stay in SD. For a while. I don't think I want to stay in any one place too long any more. I wouldn't mind a life constantly on the road.

Don't get me wrong, I've come to like a lot of people here, I like most people, really. But, I still feel like I have no reason to stay. Like there's nothing left for me here.

I could help Sean fix his Dart and be there when he first cruises down the streets and turns heads.

I could hitch hike across the country. I could save enough money doing odd jobs to get to Europe and go from there.

I wish I lived in the late 1800's. When the days of the cowboy where still around. I could wander the west and get into fights. I could die in a show-down.

What's the modern version of a show-down?

I think I got off topic.... something about a loaded six string on my back...

It kinda feels like nothing in the past year has gone really right, and unfortunately, the world isn't a Disney movie, not everything works out in the end. So, maybe it's time for me to live like the reckless character in an S. E. Hinton novel. Maybe it's time for me to end my small town story and find something else.

Or, maybe it's not. Maybe I do have a reason to stay. I have a month to figure that out, now, don't I?

This is not right.

In no way, shape, or form is this cool. I'm scared. Can someone tell me what the hell this is. Because to me, it looks like a teleporting zombie.

For Sidney's Convenience

Reason #6: The night doesn't feel right, unless I'm up til two talking to you.

And so it goes. Never stopping, never slowing. No one knows where exactly he is going.

"Do you hear a whistle?" Said the man blown up by a missile.

Love and peace. Peace and love. Fly forever, my freedom dove.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Jack popped a pill and Jill came tumbling after.

"Are you here?" "No, and neither are you." (Think about that for a while)

Laying in bed. Nothing to be said. Leave the cash on the table. So much for your fairy tale fable.

Words are offense, dirty, and mean. Words are kind, silly, and clean. You tell me, which sentence is more obscene?

"Oh for Pete's sake!" "Who's Pete? Someone I should know about?"

(I also found a nickel)
I love the Fairly Odd Parents!
If you don't screw you and get off my blog.
I kid! I kid!
But seriously leave. =

Hey! How's it going guys and gals? Hope you're all having good summers.

Me, it's not bad =p
No, it's pretty good, nothing exciting really, but I am making plans. The 13th-24th of July I shall have guests and from the 24th-whenever.the.hell.I.feel.like.coming.back I'm going to be in San Diego. So yay me!

Aslo sometime during my friends' stay up here, I'm going to throw some sort of party type thing. I think I know where I'm going to have it, but I'm still working out the final details. Anyway, if you read this blog then you are invited, it's going to be insane, so you should come. Also, if you want to help me with this, just let me know, I could use ideas about anything really.

Also, I've been pretty awesome lately, not sure why. Don't question the good, right?

Hey, if anyone wants to hang out, get ahold of me, I'm always down.

Peace and love my friends.

I've seen the same epidsode of the colbert report 5 times now

Okay, so as most of you know, my dad and I started remodeling today. First day is always demolition. We got A LOT done. We put an entry way into a wall. We tore apart an huge island. We pulled up carpeting in one room. Two trips to the dump.

The island was the biggest bitch. For some unexplainable reason, whoever built it decided they wanted counter space that could withstand nuclear attack. I shit you not (I don't get that phrase at all, but whatever). They put a three inch thick slab of steel rebarb reinforced concrete on it. The framing was so heavy duty that I'm pretty sure you could have put a few tons on the damn thing and it wouldn't budge. It took about and hour and a half to two hours to take the thing apart. Obviously the slab was too heavy to move in one piece so I took the back end of an ax (the only thing close to a sledgehammer we have) and beat the crap out of it.

I'm completely beat. But I don't mind, I'm helping bring my mom's dream to life. Oh, and you all better frequent the shop when it's done or I'm going use that ax again before I starve to death and/or move away.

I was supposed to meet Sidney and her siblings...?.... at the movies tonight, but I never did see them, so I watched Year One by my lonesome. It was pretty good, not sure it was worth the full 8 bucks, but I got a few laughs. Sorry I missed you Sidney.

My Life Is Average

http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php

This is seriously one of my new favorites things of all time. Thanks Kyle (H.)!

Yeah So

Dentist went fine, felt nice and clean afterwards. No cavities as usual, and no oral cancer, so yay for not chewing tobacco!

I didn't really sleep well last night, nor the night before, so even though it's still kinda early, I'm tired.

I hung out with some cool people today, it was nice to be out of my house and doing stuff, even if we did end up in Wal-Mart, which is probably the saddest hang out spot ever. But it wasn't the places it was the people, so today was still pretty cool.

Ummm..... if you don't already know, we finally signed a lease to this building and my parents are going through with my mom's business. Hair By Hair: Beauty Supply and Salon. So pretty soon my time is going to be filled with remodeling the building with my dad and then working for my parents eccentially.

Th other good thing about life at the moment is knowing that in a little less than a month now, two of my best friends are coming up here for about a week or so and then we're all road tripping back to San Diego, and I'm just really excited about that.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Title unrelated...except maybe the life part.

Woke up and 11:30 to my dad knocking on my door. We were supposed to go to this picknic type thing for the people who live in Linden Trails, like we're some kind of elite society or something. So we get there, and like the last time I went to one of these things, I look around and I am the only one below the age of 40 and above the age of 10. I would have been the youngest but someone must have brought their two great-granddoughters or something. Point is, three hours of boredom. Well, not complete boredom, I mean, we were at Fools Hollow so I went off by myself and walked around the lake and sat on one of those metal peer things. And I hung around my dad, who was slightless bored, and we kept each other entertained with our humor, and some Coors.

So yeah, when we get home, like literally as I stepped through the door, the phone rang and my new glasses were ready, so I went and got those and rented Gran Torino.

Gran Torino is a great movie, if you haven't seen it, you're missing out. Also, badass cars.

Now I'm here, not sure what to do with myself, but today has been a good day. I find if I have stuff to do, even if it's not all that entertaining, I have better days.

So please, if anyone wants to hang out, let me know!

They Will Listen Now

Mom, Dad, it’s not your fault.

I had one line down on the paper. My hand was trembling. I tried to calm myself to steady it. I leaned back against my chair and I closed my eyes. With the darkness came memories.

Donna Miller was sitting at her desk, biting her cheek and looking down at her test. She was the prettiest and the most popular girl in school. Funny how those two ALWAYS go together.

Me? I was your average genius kid. I liked reading, school, and Star Wars. Yeah, I’m your stereotypical geek.

She looked up, and I looked down. I had already finished my final, it was a cinch. I only stayed in the classroom so I could… never mind.

So, after 20 more minutes, I was getting bored of just sitting there, so I got up handed in my test and left.

20 feet down the hall and my face suddenly becomes real good friends with a metal locker.

“Hey, Jet.” I say
“Shut the hell up, faggot!” He returns to tumultuous applause from his cronies, the hockey team.

Back story to Jet is he’s the star hockey player in out little Michigan town. He’s not really that handsome, so he breaks the typical star jock mold a little, but what he lacks in looks he makes up for in steroid use. Oh, did I mention he’s been terrorizing me for a solid 8 years now?

So after the cronies shove my head into the urinal and Jet pisses on my head for the umpteenth time, they figure that’s enough humiliation for one day and leave me alone. No, I don’t cry. I don’t make a sound the entire time and my face is passive. And I’m not outwardly angry at Mr. Synthetic Hormone either. It’s getting freaking old though, I can tell you that.

The day turns out to be rather normal. I ace all my tests and spend my spare time in the band room playing my saxophone in a corner. Today is a day just for finals, and I am a human made just for testing. I don’t have to study, I don’t sweat the tests, it all comes natural to me. I have a good memory I guess. So, yeah, normal day.

That is until the final bell rings.

I’m walking through the parking lot towards the family mini van I drive to school when Jet shows up again.

“So, rumor has it, you have a thing for Donna, huh? That’s really cute, let’s see what she thinks. HEY! HEY DONNA! DID YOU KNOW THAT REESE HERE LOVES YOU?”
Donna Miller turns around, looks at me and gags. Yeah, she actually gags.
“Ouch, little man, looks like you’re shit outta luck. Oh, and speaking of shit…”
I’m on the ground before I know what’s happening. My mouth is forced upon and something foul smelling and tasting is shoved into it. If you’re thinking right now, “Did they shove dog crap into this kid’s mouth?” The answer is no.

It was human.

I gag, bad. I puke all over myself and Jet. No, Jet doesn’t like that at all. And he starts pounding his giant fist into my fragile face with his oversized muscles.

I’m seriously convinced I’m going to die. Jet was going to kill me. A fist hits me in the temple and I’m out cold.

I wake up, no one, NO one called for help. I’m still in the parking lot. I’m still covered in feces and vomit. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but that’s because I have a concussion. My face feels like is has dried mud on it. I touch it and look at my fingers. Close, but its blood not mud. I look around, there’s no one left here. The mini van is the only car in the lot still. Oh, and it’s covered in pictures of male genitalia and the words “Faggot” and “Gay” are repeated several times.

I get in, reach in my pockets for the keys, they aren’t there. Great! Fan-fucking-tastic! I live 20 miles away!

I could not take it anymore. For 8 years Jet has bullied me. For 8 years Jet has terrorized me! For 8 FUCKING YEARS JET HAS TORTURED ME! I am NOT going to take it anymore!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The night echoes with my scream.

I go to the mini van. I hotwire the damn thing. I’m a genius remember? Brains are good for something. My average speed going home was about 65 mph. Not bad for a mini van and a geek behind the wheel. I make it home and go to the den. The walls are covered with animal heads. Dad is a hunter. I open the closet that has the gun safe in it. I open it and the safe and pull out my granddad’s .45 from his army days. I grab a clip, load it and pull back the slide like a professional. Did I mention my dad takes me shooting and hunting with him every other weekend?

It was Friday night; I knew where all the cool kids were going to be. Every Friday the social somebodies go to the lake and burn shit in a bon fire. I was about to bring some extra heat to their fire.

I skid to a halt in the dirt. I‘m out of the car and crossing the crowd before anyone knows what’s happening. I level the gun and the crowd goes silent.

“Hey, Jet.” I say softly.
“Hey Reese. I’m glad to see you’re okay.” He’s scared shitless.
“Oh, I’m fine, thanks.” I give him a smile. “Sorry to interrupt your party, I’ll just be going now. Goodbye Jet.”

I squeeze the trigger and the bullet rips through his chest.

Thud. His lifeless carcass hits the ground.

I walk back to the van, get in and drive back to the house. As the streetlights whiz by the windshield, the reality of the situation hits me. Now, I’m scared.

I reach home again. I think I know the only thing left to do now. I can’t run from the cops. I go to my room and sit at my desk. I pull a sheet of paper from my printer and grab a pen.

I start the letter. Mom, Dad, it’s not your fault.

The taste of the metal was bittersweet.

Music is NOT My Anti-Drug

Music Soothes the heart, soul, and mind. Music is my drug. I'm addicted.

I want to cover old song. Songs that I love, but a LOT of people don't know. Like earlier on the radio I heard a familiar guitar riff. It was Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode. And someone had remixed it and it was a hip-hop stlye song. But the lyrics were completely different, which is dumb, because that's an awesome song. The only thing similar was a line "Reach out and touch me" modified from "Reach out and touch faith". Idk, I dug the song, but I was thinking that I'd love to hear a straight up modern cover of the song. I thought that I wanted to do that. That I SHOULD do that. Then when I was almost home, another awesome song came up, this time it was the original. Fun, Fun, Fun by The Beach Boys. I kinda want to cover that. And it got me thinking, that there's a whole era of great music, that would be awesome to cover from. I know I'm not the first person to think of this. But I think it would be really fun to do some covers.

idk... I get excited easily (boots) I know, but whatever. Just though I'd share.

True Stories Are Often The Best

I had to. I had to leave the house. I was going crazy.
Car keys: Check.
Wallet: Check.
Papers: Check.
Guitar: Check.

Drive. Where Do I go? Mental image emerges. To the lake!

Man (can I call myself that?) sitting in between two trees. Looks out over the lake. He has a guitar in his lap. Playing a soft and sweet melody.

Fuck yeah! I did that!. It was like real life album art. =]

Seriously, one of the coolest moments I've ever had.

Peace and love.

100th Post

That's weird. It seems like not long ago at all that I started this. October 2008 was last month, not last year. I remember being new, not knowing anyone. I remember spending lunches reading in the library, nothing else to do. I remember being told to go to Ms. Abel's at lunch. I remember everyone talking about their blogs and everyone complaining that everyone else didn't blog (btw, blog more =]). I was asked if I had one, and told I should make one. I remember when no one read it. Then I gave one person the url. Then two people had it. Then four, and now a bunch have it, I guess. I remember trying to come up with cool things to write, so that I would be accepted.

Anyway, I guess that was a long time ago, a lot has changed

Random
Do you have any pets?	1 cat- Jazz short for Jasmine
What color shirt are you wearing?	Grey
Name three things that are physically close to you:	TV, water bottle, Superglue (what would McGuyver do?)
What is the last book you read?	Fight Club
Are you or were you a good student?	Yeah, I guess so
What's your favorite sport?	Badminton =]
Do you enjoy sleeping late?	Yeah
What's the weather like right now?	Thunderstormy
Who tells the best jokes?	ME!!! =]
What was the last thing you dreamed about?	I was a Transformer
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?	Yes, I drive. No, I haven't crashed.
Do you believe in karma?	Nope
Do you believe in luck?	Kinda
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?	Scrambled (That's a funny question for a girl =p)
Do you collect anything? If so, what?	Knowledge
Are you proud of yourself?	Very
Are you reliable?	Methinks so
Have you ever given money to a bum?	No, but my dad has when I was with him
What's your favorite food?	I think it's spaghetti
Have you ever had a secret admirer?	I think so, at least I got an anonymous message from someone in SD who said they wanted to kiss me...?
Do you like the smell of gasoline?	YES!!!! =]
Do like to draw?	Yeah, but I'm not very artistically inclined
What's your favorite invention?	The car
Is your room messy?	Very
What do you like better: oranges or apples?	Oranges
Do you give in easily?	Depends on who I'm giving in to =]
Are you a good guesser?	Well, they call me Mr. Holmes =p
Can you read other people's expressions?	Generally
Are you a bully?	I don't think so...?
Do you have a job?	NO!!! :'( crycry
What time did you wake up this morning?	A little before 10
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?	Cocoa Pebbles!!
When was the last time you showered?	Yesterday =[
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?	Probably a heaping helping of nothing, seriously, if you want to hang out please tell me!!!!
What's your favorite day of the week and why?	Saturday, I've had a LOT of good Saturdays =]
Do you have any nicknames?	Not really, There was a guy who called me Cocoa.....
Have you ever been scuba diving?	No, but it sounds way cool
What's your least favorite color?	That puke orange color
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?	Yeah, a little bit. She knows who she is.
Would you ever go skydiving?	HELL YES!!!!!
What toothpaste do you use?	Hold on, lemme go check.... at the moment: Aquafresh
Do you enjoy challenges?	I do
What's the worst injury you have had?	I had part of tree go into my back
What's the last movie you saw?	Star Trek!!!!!!
What do you want to know about the future?	I wouldn't mind knowing what I end up doing after high school
What does your last text message say?	I don't have a phone
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?	My brother
What's your favorite school subject?	Hmmm AcaDec? =p
What's your least favorite school subject?	Mr. Willards Tech class
Would you rather have money or love?	Love
What is your dream vacation?	Eurotrip
What is your favorite animal?	Eagle
Do you miss anyone right now?	Yeah, actually, I do
What's the last sporting event you watched?	Drag Racing yesterday
Do you need to do laundry?	No
Do you listen to the radio?	Mhm, yay NPR!!!
Where were you when 9/11 happened?	at home and at school
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?	Kick the machine
Have you ever caught a butterfly?	No, never thought of trying
What color are your bed sheets?	Blue
What's your ringtone?	Don't have cell phone
Who was the last person to make you laugh?	Harrison, he's silly
Do you have any obsessions right now?	Not really
Do you like things that glow in the dark?	Uh huh!
What's your favorite fruity scent?	Green Apple mmm =]
Do you watch cartoons?	Occasionally
Have you ever sat on a roof?	Yep
Have you ever been to a different country?	Yes
Name three things in the world you dislike:	Stupid people, boredom, and broken guitar strings
Name three people in the world you dislike:	..... there are none....
Has a rumor even been spread about you?	Yeah
Do you like sushi?	Never tried it
Do you believe in magic?	In a young girl's heart?
Do you hold grudges?	Nope

The Need To Share Thoughts

Gender Silliness. A girl posts a bulletin on Myspace with the subject header "Porn!!!" Every guy in her friends will click on that link hoping to see her naked. A guy does the same thing, every girl in his friends will click on that link to call him a pervert.... There are really stupid things out there relating to sexism and gender bias. I think that's dumb.


Curiosity. If I were standing on the edge of a tall building, threatening to jump and kill myself, what would you say to talk me down?


Internal iPod. I always have a song playing in my head. I don't think that means I'm crazy, maybe it's just an addiction to music. That's an addiction I can live very well with. =]


Roses are red
Violets are blue
While I lay in bed
I'm thinking of you <------ guys call me gay, girls call me sweet, I call myself bored.


I wish I knew Latin.... and Russian...and Italian.....and Japanese....and psychology....but that's not a language... =]


When it started raining earlier, I thought of you, and I almost went out and danced in it(I had just gotten done spreading rock, I was too tired to do it. Maybe next time =p). By the way, internal iPod started playing "Rinse the Raindrops" by Paul McCartney.


Salmon are silly creatures. Thank you Discovery Channel.


Six strings away from stress relief. Though...twelve would be really awesome too.


I have a larger readership than I thought I did. Thanks for the kind words! =]

Here's one for the Adv. Bio. Kids

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Turn Right on 260

At the request of Ms. Abel, who is literally half of my audience (only two people read this any more, i guess), here's my story only, i'm actually ending it right. (though, technically the last one was right because i'm the author and i wanted it to end that way, but....nevermind you know what i mean)

0630- Alarm goes off
0635- Shower
0645- Dress and Breakfast
0655- Brush teeth
0700- Sit in vehicle, stare blankly
0705- Warm up vehicle
0710- Begin commute to school
0722- Park at school, more blank staring
0725- Exit vehicle, begin walk to first class

So it had been. I never varied from this routine. Never. I took the same roads, saw the same cars, no exception.
Back out of driveway onto Wagon Train Pass.
Turn right on Shilo Trail
Turn right on Lone Pine Damn Road
Turn left onto 260
Turn left onto Old Linden Road
Turn left into school parking lot.
Proceed to furthest row and park.

Repetition.

Turn left onto 260.
Turn left onto 260.

Turn right onto 260.

That's when it started. I could NOT take it anymore. One more goddamn left turn onto 260 and I would exit my car and lay in the road until I was lucky enough to be run over.

NO. I made a right. And with that right, I woke up. I woke up from the mundane dream most people call a life.

I looked down at the gas gauge. Three quarters of a tank. I drove. I thought about stopping.

I kept driving.

I already knew where I was headed. I didn't have to think about it.

I was not happy. I was not sad. I was living. I might have been crazy...

I passed Payson, followed the signs to Phoenix. I was on the 101 when I ran out of gas. I parked on the shoulder. I popped in the cigarette lighter. I opened the glove box and took out the papers. The lighter popped back out, now red hot. I lit the papers on fire. Registration, proof of insurance, owner's manual, everything. I used one of my keys to unscrew the licence plate. I started walking. A thought occurred to me, and I stuck out my right hand. Nope, no Knight Bus, I guess you really have to be a wizard for that one to work. I tried my thumb instead. It took half an hour of walking backwards with my thumb sticking out before a Toyota Camry pulled over. It had New York Plates. The girl behind the wheel, must have been about 18-19, fresh out of High School, she had a Trigonometry book in the back seat. She asked me which way I was headed. I said, "West." She laughed and said, "Hop in Cowboy." Cowboy.....?"

Where are you from?"
"I just came from Show Low."
"Huh... never heard of it."
"I'm not surprised."
"So, where's your home, and don't say Show Low, that's where you're coming from, not where you belong."
That's an interesting way to put it...
"San Diego."
"Is that where you're headed?"
"I haven't gotten that far yet.... probably, though."
"I've never been myself, but I hear it's nice."
"Yeah..."
I'm not really one for small talk, let alone small talk with a pretty girl I just met not 5 minutes ago.
"You don't talk much?"
"Depends on who you ask."
"I'm asking you."
What a smart-ass...
"If I want to, I'll talk."
"So you just don't want to talk to me? Huh, most guys try to talk their way into my pants."
"I'm not most guys."
"Nice line, how often does that get you laid?"
"Never has."
"Hahaha."
She starts messing with an iPod and Tom Petty's Echo Album starts playing.
"Good album." I muse, mostly to myself.
"Not as good as Wildflowers."
"Dark Side of the Moon or Wish You Were Here?"
"Are we still talking albums, or just the singles?"
"Just the songs."
"Wish You Were Here."
"Huh... Metallica or Megadeath?"
"Metallica."
"The Offspring or The White Stripes?"
"Offspring"
"Black Sabbath or ACDC?"
"ACDC."
"John Mayer or Jack Johnson?"
"Jack Johnson."
Okay, now she has my attention.
"So, what's your story?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're in Arizona, with New York tags, and you're taking me to southern California, just because I had my thumb out."
"How do you know I wasn't already on my way to San Diego?"
"Because I didn't say I was heading to San Diego, I said I was heading West, you just went with it and assumed I meant San Diego because that's where I was born."
"Nice detective work Mr. Holmes."
"Thank you, Watson."
"Ha! As if I would ever bee your side-kick."
"You already are."
That shut her up.

She set her eyes on the road.I looked out the passenger's side window. Dirt, dirt, dirt, and more dirt. Welcome to southwest Arizona.The digital clock in her car read 2:30.School was almost out. Some people might be wondering where I was, most would not care. I thought about my parents, They might get a call asking where I was today, they might not. Neither one of them would be home til at least 10:30 that night.

"So what are you running from?"
Her voice knocked me out of my thoughts.
"What am I running from...?"
"Yeah, from the back pack I can tell you're still in high school, probably a senior or junior, it's still school time, you're ditching to go...somewhere, what are you running from?"
"I....I don't know, really."
"Oh come on! Abusive parents, shitty girlfriend, what?"
"No, my life was fine. Great parents, no girlfriend to speak of, but whatever, that doesn't bother me."
"There has to be something...?"
"I don't think I'm running from anything. I think I'm running towards something. I'm running towards life, towards a life where I'm actually living. You know?"
"kind of..."
"I don't know, I'm crazy, and I've accepted this part of me."
"Haha, no, it's just... I'm kind of the opposite. I'm running from life. I graduated end of last year, and I was all set to go to college, but I couldn't do it. I was so scared. I hid at my parent's house for three months doing nothing...."
"You've never told anyone that before, have you?"
"Who's to tell? I've been on the road for 2 months now, all by myself. Lucky me, I have a rich daddy who loves me too much to care what I do with his money, but not enough to actually talk to me. Oh, and mommy, well she's dead; and step-mommy is a gold digging whore."
Psycho alert is screaming in my head.
"Oh....I'm sorry...?"
"Don't be."

3:52
"Do you want me to drive for a while?"
"Huh? What? Oh.... sure."
I'd been watching her for the past 30 minutes nod, inches away from sleep. Something told me she'd been driving since last night. Driving or running, it was the same for her.

I got behind the wheel and checked the gas gauge, we still had 1/4 of a tank, I though we'd have run out by now.
"It's a hybrid and a Camry, the thing gets crazy gas mileage."
"Wow.... I think I know what my next car is going to be..."
"Haha."

I started driving and looked over at her ten minutes later, she was passed out.

As I drove I started wondering about different people. Only a few really, the ones I cared most about, the ones that probably cared where I went. I wouldn't be getting online tonight. No emails, facebook, myspace, AIM, MSN, nothing.Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi was playing in my head, "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive!"Good to know that even when I'm completely crazy, I'm still my usual crazy self.... just with poorer judgment I guess. Or better, I haven't decided that yet.

Now Entering the state of California.
Huh...that's cool.

"So, what's with the hair?"
"Good...afternoon."
"Yeah, I'm awake, now seriously, What's with the hair?"
"I was lazy one year, didn't get a single haircut, liked the result, and stuck with it."
"Not a rebellion thing? Nothing cool? Just happened?"
"Yep."
"I like it."
"Thanks."

"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"Have you been drinking while I wasn't looking?"
"No. Answer the question."
"No, it's a loaded question. I say yes, I'm trying to get into your pants. I say no, I'm a jack-ass and I can get out of your car."
"Just tell me what you think."
"Did you not hear a word I just-"
"Please."
I'm completely confused at this point.
-sigh-
"Yeah, I think you're beautiful."
"Thanks, not for saying I'm beautiful, but for answering the question."
"And why does that mean more to you."
"Because you did something you didn't want to do for me."
"Okay... don't get too hot and bothered just because I caved."
"That's not what I meant.... you know that."
Yeah I knew that, I'm just deflecting. That was not something I cared about talking about right then, so I just stopped talking. By the way, why can't pretty girls be dumb?

We were passing by those giant windmills, the wind turbine machines used to generate electricity. It was an interesting clash. Out here, nature remained mostly untouched my humanity, but amongst nature there were modern structures. A clash, but beautiful in it's own way. I looked back at my travelling companion, and raised an eyebrow when I saw she was already looking at me.

"You're a curious person."
That's the nicest way people say, "You're weird." I know this from experience.
"Yeah, I know."
"I don't think my friends would approve of you."
"Luckily, I don't care."
"Something told me you wouldn't, which is why I like you."
"Oh? Explain."
"I used to hang out with the rich kids, the old time "jet set", you know. They thought they were the best because they could buy clothes and cars on their parent's dime. They thought they had the right to be mean to poorer kids and kids like you, the weird ones, and the brainy ones. I used to be like that."
I thought of a friend of mine and replied, "People change."
"Very true."
I thought about what it would be like to be rich. To have actual silver silverware next to the plate. Plate.
"That reminds me, can yo hand me my backpack?"
She gave it to me and I unzipped it, grabbed the lisence plate, put the backpack back in the backseat, rolled down the window and chucked the plate.
She started laughing. I looked at her.
"What?"
"I think I love you."
"I get that a lot."
"Oh do you?"
"Yep. What can I say? It's the curls; the girls love the curls. It ryhmes so it must be true."
She laughed and looked back out of her window.

Now entering San Deigo County.

It's been 10 hours since I mad that right turn. I've run out of gas on a freeway for the first time. I ditched my car and made it incredible hard to prove that it's mine. Also a first. I hitch hiked. Another first. I was living, for the first time in my life, I was really living.

"I don't know where to go."
She looked over at me.
"Who lived here how long?"
"Sixteen years."
"And you don't know where to go?"
"No. I know where places are, and I know how to get there, but I don't know where to go."
She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.
"The best part is, you can go anywhere."
Freedom.
I drove to the first place I thought of.

The smell in the air was just how I remembered it. I walked out onto the edge of a rock that jutted out over the waves. Every now and then, a larger wave would cash and send mist into the air that landed on our skin. The sun was setting now. Watching the sun set at La Jolla is one of the most beautiful event you will ever witness. The ocean wind toyed with our hair and when combined with that mist, made us shiver. She nudged against me and I wrapped my arm around her to try and keep her warm.

"Welcome to San Diego. Is it like you heard it was?"
"No."
I knew what she was going to say, so I took the bait.
"No?"
She smiled and said, "It's way better."

The green flash meant the sun was gone. We walked back to the car.
"Now what?"
"I don't have a solid plan, I guess that's a pattern with me, but I think I'll stay here for a bit and visit some people."
She smiled, but it that smile that you use when you don't get what you want for christmas, but you don't want to hurt the gift giver's feelings so you smile and say, "That's great! Thank you!".
"I guess I'll keep moving."
"Stay here with me for a while."
I guess she was hoping I would say that...wait...why did I say that?
"Red Hot Chili Pepper's or Sublime?"
"Ah! That's hard!.....Sublime, I guess, but it's close."

We got out of the car on a familiar street. I looked at the two story house. I looked at the yard with the rose tree things and the barn mailbox and the red gates. The garage door was slightly open, good they were home. I had many places to stay in San Diego, but this one would make my mom happy, or at least.... not as pissed.

"Wait!" She was about to open the door.
"What the hell is your name?"
"Hahaha! Wow, I just realized...."
"Yeah, I know. I'm David."
"It's a pleasure to meet you David, my name is Samantha."
"The pleasure is all mine."



Hmmm, I'm not 100% sure about that ending, let me know what you think.

Random Story Time Because I'm Bored

0630- Alarm goes off
0635- Shower
0645- Dress and Breakfast
0655- Brush teeth
0700- Sit in vehicle, stare blankly
0705- Warm up vehicle
0710- Begin commute to school
0722- Park at school, more blank staring
0725- Exit vehicle, begin walk to first class

So it had been. I never varied from this routine. Never. I took the same roads, saw the same cars, no exception.

Back out of driveway onto Wagon Train Pass.
Turn right on Shilo Trail
Turn right on Lone Pine Damn Road
Turn left onto 260
Turn left onto Old Linden Road
Turn left into school parking lot.
Proceed to furthest row and park.

Repetition.

Turn left onto 260.
Turn left onto 260.

Turn right onto 260.

That's when it started. I could NOT take it anymore. One more goddamn left turn onto 260 and I would exit my car and lay in the road until I was lucky enough to be run over.

NO. I made a right. And with that right, I woke up. I woke up from the mundane dream most people call a life.

I looked down at the gas gauge. Three quarters of a tank. I drove. I thought about stopping.

I kept driving.

I already knew where I was headed. I didn't have to think about it.

I was not happy. I was not sad. I was living. I might have been crazy...

I passed Payson, followed the signs to Phoenix. I was on the 101 when I ran out of gas. I parked on the shoulder. I popped in the cigarette lighter. I opened the glove box and took out the papers. The lighter popped back out, now red hot. I lit the papers on fire. Registration, proof of insurance, owner's manual, everything. I used one of my keys to unscrew the licence plate. I started walking. A thought occurred to me, and I stuck out my right hand. Nope, no Knight Bus, I guess you really have to be a wizard for that one to work. I tried my thumb instead. It took half an hour of walking backwards with my thumb sticking out before a Toyota Camry pulled over. It had New York Plates. The girl behind the wheel, must have been about 18-19, fresh out of High School, she had a Trigonometry book in the back seat. She asked me which way I was headed. I said, "West." She laughed and said, "Hop in Cowboy." Cowboy.....?

"Where are you from?"
"I just came from Show Low."
"Huh... never heard of it."
"I'm not surprised."
"So, where's your home, and don't say Show Low, that's where you're coming from, not where you belong."
That's an interesting way to put it...
"San Diego."
"Is that where you're headed?"
"I haven't gotten that far yet.... probably, though."
"I've never been myself, but I hear it's nice."
"Yeah..."
I'm not really one for small talk, let alone small talk with a pretty girl I just met not 5 minutes ago.
"You don't talk much?"
"Depends on who you ask."
"I'm asking you."
What a smart-ass...
"If I want to, I'll talk."
"So you just don't want to talk to me? Huh, most guys try to talk their way into my pants."
"I'm not most guys."
"Nice line, how often does that get you laid?"
"Never has."
"Hahaha."
She starts messing with an iPod and Tom Petty's Echo Album starts playing.
"Good album." I muse, mostly to myself.
"Not as good as Wildflowers."
"Dark Side of the Moon or Wish You Were Here?"
"Are we still talking albums, or just the singles?"
"Just the songs."
"Wish You Were Here."
"Huh... Metallica or Megadeath?"
"Metallica."
"The Offspring or The White Stripes?"
"Offspring"
"Black Sabbath or ACDC?"
"ACDC."
"John Mayer or Jack Johnson?"
"Jack Johnson."
Okay, now she has my attention.
"So, what's your story?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're in Arizona, with New York tags, and you're taking me to southern California, just because I had my thumb out."
"How do you know I wasn't already on my way to San Diego?"
"Because I didn't say I was heading to San Diego, I said I was heading West, you just went with it and assumed I meant San Diego because that's where I was born."
"Nice detective work Mr. Holmes."
"Thank you, Watson."
"Ha! As if I would ever bee your side-kick."
"You already are."
That shut her up.
She set her eyes on the road.
I looked out the passenger's side window. Dirt, dirt, dirt, and more dirt. Welcome to southwest Arizona.
The digital clock in her car read 2:30.
School was almost out. Some people might be wondering where I was, most would not care. I thought about my parents, They might get a call asking where I was today, they might not. Neither one of them would be home til at least 10:30 that night.
"So what are you running from?"
Her voice knocked me out of my thoughts.
"What am I running from...?"
"Yeah, from the back pack I can tell you're still in high school, probably a senior or junior, it's still school time, you're ditching to go...somewhere, what are you running from?"
"I....I don't know, really."
"Oh come on! Abusive parents, shitty girlfriend, what?"
"No, my life was fine. Great parents, no girlfriend to speak of, but whatever, that doesn't bother me."
"There has to be something...?"
"I don't think I'm running from anything. I think I'm running towards something. I'm running towards life, towards a life where I'm actually living. You know?"
"kind of..."
"I don't know, I'm crazy, and I've accepted this part of me."
"Haha, no, it's just... I'm kind of the opposite. I'm running from life. I graduated end of last year, and I was all set to go to college, but I couldn't do it. I was so scared. I hid at my parent's house for three months doing nothing...."
"You've never told anyone that before, have you?"
"Who's to tell? I've been on the road for 2 months now, all by myself. Lucky me, I have a rich daddy who loves me too much to care what I do with his money, but not enough to actually talk to me. Oh, and mommy, well she's dead; and step-mommy is a gold digging whore."
Psycho alert is screaming in my head.
"Oh....I'm sorry...?"
"Don't be."

3:52
"Do you want me to drive for a while?"
"Huh? What? Oh.... sure."
I'd been watching her for the past 30 minutes nod, inches away from sleep. Something told me she'd been driving since last night. Driving or running, it was the same for her.
I got behind the wheel and checked the gas gauge, we still had 1/4 of a tank, I though we'd have run out by now.
"It's a hybrid and a Camry, the thing get crazy gas mileage."
"Wow.... I think I know what my next car is going to be..."
"Haha."
I started driving and looked over at her ten minutes later, she was passed out.

As I drove I started wondering about different people. Only a few really, the ones I cared most about, the ones that probably cared where I went. I wouldn't be getting online tonight. No emails, facebook, myspace, AIM, MSN, nothing.
Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi was playing in my head, "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive!"
Good to know that even when I'm completely crazy, I'm still my usual crazy self.... just with poorer judgment I guess. Or better, I haven't decided that yet.

Now Entering the state of California.

Huh...that's cool.

"So, what's with the hair?"
"Good...afternoon."
"Yeah, I'm awake, now seriously, What's with the hair?"
"I was lazy one year, didn't get a single haircut, like the result, and stuck with it."
"Not a rebellion thing? Nothing cool? Just happened?"
"Yep."
"I like it."
"Thanks."

"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"Have you been drinking while I wasn't looking?"
"No. Answer the question."
"No, it's a loaded question. I say yes, I'm trying to get into your pants. I say no, I'm a jack-ass and I can get out of your car."
"Just tell me what you think."
"Did you not hear a word I just-"
"Please."
I'm completely confused at this point.
-sigh-
"Yeah, I think you're beautiful."
"Thanks, not for saying I'm beautiful, but for answering the question."
"And why does that mean more to you."
"Because you did something you didn't want to do for me."
"Okay... don't get too hot and bothered just because I caved."
"That's not what I meant.... you know that."
Yeah I knew that, I'm just deflecting. That was not something I cared about talking about right then, so I just stopped talking. By the way, why can't pretty girls be dumb?


So I was driving. we were in the mountains when a sudden gust knocked me into the guard rail, i over compensated and slammed into the rocky mountain, then we bounced back into the guard rail, snapped through it and as we slammed into the ground 1,000 feet below we exploded into a giant fireball. Neither of us survived.

The End.

Love

I love you and kitties love you. What else do you want?

Tiberius

So, I finally got out of the house, and I finally saw Star Trek. Personally, I thought it was amazing. There was nothing I could spot that really clashed with the Original Series, and I'm a big fan of TOS. I loved Leonard Nimoy playing his old character, and the actors were very well matched witht their characters, a point which I was kinda dreading could have ruined the movie for me. The story was pretty sweet. It was a little awkward before the movie started, it was a small theater, and I was one of 4 people there, and there was no music or anything playing to break the silence.... it was not a good feeling. Luckily I arrived a minute before the previews started so I didn't have to endure much. Still hate going to the movies alone, but whatever, it was worth it this time.

R-U-N

Are you in?

I'm going to the movies.

Are you in?

I'm going out to eat.

Are you in?

I'm going away.

Are you in?

I'm going to sail to sea.

Are you in?

A trip in Europe.

Are you in?

2 AM, I'm gonna drive all night.

Are you in?

I'm going to fly a plane over the North Pole.

Are you in?

I'm going to dance in the rain.

Are you in?

I want you there
We'll have no cares
Just tell me this

Are you in?

I need to be more patient

Seriously, if I keep blogging every time something happens... well, nothing will really happen, but I'll end up with a lot of blog posts.... but really, I need to consolidate.

So Sean just told me that his "mom has officially endorsed the 'sean flies to pheonix to meet mikey and then stays there for one or two weeks' idea"

That made My day.

One down, one to go.

Lights and Sounds

I've been sitting in my house all day. I'm losing it. No. It's lost. Whatever it is. But... just a bit ago, my dark room was filled with a white light. Lightning. Then there was a 6 second pause (I count every time) then a crack like a whip. Then a huge rumble. Thunder. It was intense. It shook the walls, I know, I had my back resting against one. It shook me. Literally. It's funny, you don't expect to experience anything so... intense sitting in your own home, virtually doing nothing.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that.

I Wish

no, that's it. "I wish."

So, yeah, I've figured it out.

I'm going to be a musician, because it's what I love. I love music. It's a huge part of my life and it's begging to take over. So i'm going to let it. Maybe I'll go to college, maybe i'll get a degree in math or Comp. Sci. get a job that's flexible, don't care what the pay is really. Then devote the rest of my life to music. Well, music and family, the two go really well together actually. Anyway, I was really excited when i figured this out and i figured i'd share it with you.

So, this also means that I'm looking for people with musical talent, not really for a band, just collaberations really. Paino, violin, giutar, bass, drums, triangle, whatever you play let me know, I'd love to play with friends and maybe record something, like when me and Beans did our Seek and Destroy cover.

Anyway, i'm really excited for this, and I know that the chances of anything really great coming from this are ultra thin, but whatever, who cares what happens and where i end up? As long as the trip there was fun, then it was worth it.

Because I'm Bored and Rhyhming Amuses Me

As one is one
and two is two
I am me
and you are you
So, if you care
I think you do
Here's a story
it's nothing new

There was a man
down by the docks
So weird was he
he wore wet socks
and he had this key
but owned no locks
So weird was he
down by the docks

This key some said
was to his head
And others hold
it's to his soul
Still others part
it's to his heart
but truth be told
this key was sold
to him at discount price.


I kinda got bored again there at the end.....

Welcome To The End

This is the end of the line. The last stop. There's nothing after this. This is the edge of reality, of the universe. Welcome to it. You're free to stay. You're free to move on. Let this moment wash over you. Take this time to remember where you were, what you've done, what you've planned to do. Now, realize that there's no going back, what's done is done. It's over. This is the end. Now, if you'll step right over here...

No, no, a little more that way..

Yes, there you go, that's good.

This is the beginning, welcome! From here, if you look right over there, you can see the future. Don't look too long, it's very bright, you know.

What's that?

Oh! You're confused!

That's okay, most people are. You see all things must come to an end. They must end so that other things can begin. Do you see the relationship now? Not quite? Well, most people see the end as scary, but it's just a small step from the end to the beginning, you see, so really it's not scary at all! It's rather exciting! Well, this is as far as I'm allowed to go, from here, you're on your own. Good luck and have some fun! Keep in touch now! Mmkay, bye...

They Don't make and Emoticon with a big enough smile

:) (: =] :] :D =D (that one just looks dirty....)
Seriously, I don't know how to explain, or tell, or express just how awesome today was.

Ummm, yeah, I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to figure it out, and I really can't.

:p

Love It

"When the power of love is greater than the love of power, the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

Good News and Bad News

Good News: Cougar day was less boring than I thought it would be.

Bad News: Sore neck

Good News: I have some great friends. I love them all.

Bad News: Some aren't coming back next year.

Good News: My dad might be spending more time at home.

Bad News: It's because he was laid off. His last day is in July.

Good News: I'm trying hard to find a job.

Bad News: I guess no one wants to hire me.

Good News: The end is nigh. Summer is almost here.

Bad News: I need people to hang out with.

Good News: I think I'm out of "news".

Bad News: I think I'm out of "news".

YES!

Okay, no finals, no more projects, no more nothing, school might as well be out for me now!

I'm just a few more days away from freedom. So are you.

Love life and live it.

Attention!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog to bring you this breaking news!!!!

I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY LIFE INSURANCE BY KILLING MYSELF!

We now continue with your program.

Phenomena, do do da dodo =]

I want a fedora. Just because.

I know, I know, you hear this from EVERYONE, but I love summer, it reminds me more of San Diego, only more windy up here. I was listening to Tom Petty earlier, the Wildflowers album, and I thought to myself, "Yeah, this pretty much sums up my life at the moment." If you are not familiar with this particular piece of work, go die, just kidding, but seriously, go kill yourself.... or listen to the album, both would please me. =]

Stolen iPod has given me the blues =[ and no job means no replacement.

FUCK SOMEONE HIRE ME!!!

-sob-

only not really, i'm not in a "good" mood, but I'm not in a "bad" one either. I'm just me. Go with the flow, roll with the punches, love life and live it.

Moving on.

Moving up.

Slowing down.

Shifting right.

Phase shifting.

New demension.

New world.

New life.

New mistakes.

Same old me. =]

I think i'm doing it again

I think I might be blogging for the sake of blogging again, which is never really good.

I must ahve posted at least 10 blogs in the past two days.

No not on this blog but on all of them. I don't really know why i have so many.

whatever.

this post is kinda stupid because it's a blog post about blogging for the sake of blogging and it's all just very redundant and i'm just going to stop now.

bye-bye

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Product of today's second hour

So today Mrs. Lizardi gave us pictures from the Vietnam War and told us to write a 5 paragraph essay about it. I asked if I could write a short story, she said that would be fine. I could not find the picture, and the story isn't a thousand words, but it's good enough.

September 22, 1966
As I write this I'm lying in my foxhole. Charlie must have taken a dinner break because the hail of fire we've been under all day has recently stopped.
Leonard, Karl, Denzel, Thomas, and Allan are lying here with me. As usual it's been raining all day, we're soaked and caked with mud. Karl's smoking a cigarette and Thomas has his bible out. Denzel is singing softly to himself in a corner and Leonard has been silent all day. Allan, on the other hand, keeps letting moans of pain escape his mouth. He was shot not two hours ago and the only medical attention he's gotten has been the the bandage I slapped on him. Even in the dark I can still see the blood shining as it flows out of his stomach. It's the worse place to get shot, the bullet peirces your stomach and acid seeps into your guts causing agonizing pain as you bleed out.
I don't know where the rest of our unit is. Lieutenant Dan hasn't sent word or orders all day. We only have about a day's worth of water and half that much ammunition. If we don't get help soon, we're all going to be as dead as Allan.

September 23, 1966
Turns out we weren't forgotten after all. The LT showed up, and we were all relieved, that is, everyone except Al. It was late last night, no one could sleep, his moans kept us awake. Then, finally, there was one last sharp intake of breath and then there was silence. They told us in basic that this war would make men out of us. I've never cried so much in my life.
As we lay Al in the bag, we stood over him and Thomas said a prayer, then we zipped him up. There's a saying in the military, "Some give some, and some give all." Allan gave it all. And though the world will never know his name, the five of us will never forget it. Some give some, and some give all.

walking down the street hand in hand
moon shines bright as the sun
in no particular direction are we headed
we just keep moving on
cool night air embracing us
stars not as abundant as they usually are
a side long glance at you
a smile appears on my face
the memories of ten years
look back over my shoulder
see the good times and bad
who am i kidding?
with you it's always good
look back at you
eyes connect
squeeze of the hand
smirks exchanged
look forward again
ten more years to come


I like how i can use incomplete thoughts and write them down and call it poetry, no matter how crappy it is.

Around The Bend Again

"They say that love blinds you... no, it's the one you're in love with who blinds you." -Kaiyla Darmer

So, yeah, Kaiyla said that to me in an email, and I thought it was one of the coolest things I've heard. It's so true.

I'm not really sure what else to say here..... just thought I'd share with you.

Here We Go Again

Today was a good day.
My mom got home this evening.
It's good to have her back.

Fuck money. Too much value placed into pieces of paper.
The lack of that shit keeps me from doing 80 percent of what I want to do.

I'm tired. No, not lack of sleep tired. I don't like the rhythm of my life so much at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving life, but I want it to speed up. I want a change of pace and I want to get out of the pattern I've fallen into.

Lately, I've been trying to do all that, and it's kinda working, but school is such a big part of my life that what I do outside of it effects my overall day fairly little.

thoughts to think upon

why is it that, in movies and books and songs, after just one kiss, everyone is ready to jump into the sack with anyone?
Man rushes into the room, sees girl, kisses girl, takes girl's clothes off, so on and so forth.
Seriously? that is what is passing for romance now? That seems sad to me...

I will never fully understand the actions of another. Will you?

Freedom means something different to every person. What does it mean to you?

Maybe, just maybe, I'll make that right turn. Then maybe, I will know my freedom.

If I live for the next adventure, am I wasting the time between adventures?

Planned spontaneity is more than an oxymoron, it is an empty promise.

If I showed up to your house and told you to come with me right then, no questions asked, would you come?

Do I need someone to be there? No

Do I want them there? Yes

We are all built the same, anatomically speaking, and yet everyone ticks just a little differently.

"Never tell me the odds" -Han Solo

The Past Few Days

They've been pretty damn awesome.

You know, I would have thought that I would be less tired after the play was over, but I'm not.

Though I guess that's mostly due to the fact taht I didn't get home until 5 am this morning =]
Late night, good times, definitely has to happen again.

I'm enjoying the growing garden in my front yard, I guess my mom is going to plant all my flowers when she gets home. She likes gardens. =]

I've discovered a lot about my self lately, and I'm liking every bit of it.

I've met some amazing people, and had some really good times.

It's been hard to stop smiling lately, with so many good thoughts and experiences.

I'm living life again, and loving living.

Any new philosophy....? Not really, more or less same old same old.

hahaha, I feel like I may be disappointing some, because apparently my blog is quite deep =]
but hey, I'm only human, I make mistakes and I'm far from perfect, ask my past =p

So, yeah, only human, just slightly more kick-ass than average, also, not afraid of getting arrested.

I like britni's thing of ending with a quote so here goes one of my all time favorites:

"To the well trained mind, death is but the next great adventure"

My Center

It's where I want to live.

What is it?

I can't tell you, it's not a tangible item, it's an idea, a place of mind.

I can lose it, and with it I lose control. Control of my life, my thoughts, my actions, my everything.

I can find it. I can right my wrongs within myself.

It's my peace of mind, inner calm, my happy place, whatever you like to think of it as.

I don't visualize anything, it takes no physical appearence.

It is nothing more than a feeling, but yet, it IS more. It is a state of being.

My A game. I can do no wrong. My luck, but it's always good.

(Brace yourself) In the 6th Harry Potter, there is a lucky potion, and the feeling Harry gets is described as a feeling of not being able to do wrong. An untouchable feeling.

I can get to this place on my own, or through the help of others. As well, I can leave this place because of others or because of myself.

I wish everyone could have a center. It seems like everyone should, but some are not capable of achieving this on their own. It is a small population, but it exists. It is sad because the very reason they cannot achieve inner peace is the same reason they need it.

This is all very Zen. This does not seem like my high energy, highly annoying usual self, but it is. It is this very thing that makes me a lively person. Strange how being at peace with myself makes me a bit wild on the outside.



p= the various 'parts' of you
n= the number of those parts
The difference is -(n-1)(p) and it's still equal to you

The Mistake I Was

Sometimes I feel like there was a mistake somewhere in my life, that I was really meant to be somewhere else, to be someone else, but instead I wound up here.

Other times I feel like I was someone else's mistake, that because they met me, or because I interfered in someway, no matter how big or how small, I messed up that person's life.

Then I realize that I'm asumming fate is real, which is not how I like to think.

We all make choices, of our own free-will. It's these choices that bring us where we are as we are. And no matter what happens, no matter what anyone chooses, there are no wrong answers, no mistakes.

If we are friends, it is because we chose to be so. If we are enemies, it is because we chose to be so. If I do something to upset you, it is because I chose my path, and you chose to care enough to be upset. And vice-versa.

I choose to offer help, in any way shape or form, to anyone who wants is, who needs it. There are no strings attached to my help, no conditional statements. This is not an offer to one, but to all. This is not because I think you need help, but because I think that somewhere down the line, everyone wants help, and if you want help, you need it.

I choose to make myself better. I have decided that I have not lived to my potential, and I wish to rectify this. I choose to be free. I choose to be happy with what I have and what I lack, because if ever something comes along and adds itself to my 'have's then it's just icing on the cake.

I think I should blog less, because when I fail to do it for many days at a time, I always come back with something to share, instead of just blogging for the sake of shouting into the vastness of the internet and hoping someone hears.

I am standing on a cliff. Below me is a river, rushing voilently. An eagle soars above my head and lets out a cry. A breeze swoops past me, whipping my hair into my face. The sun is setting at my back and my guitar rests on my foot. As I gaze into the heavens to glimpse the first few stars, I see you, all of you, picture perfect in the sky. Where ever I go in this world, you go with me.

I fucking feel accomplished

and the best part is, that won't go away until i find out i did shitty on both of the things i completed.

Fucking Adv. Bio.

Wrote my responser paper, only referenced 2 things, but whatever, I wrote it well, and I think I did good, and that's what counts...oh I guess my grade in Doc's class counts a little too, but who need a future really?

Then, I decided to help a friend out, so what that meant for me is doing another project for Bio. I got my power point done though, and learned quite a bit about an interesting little parasitic disease from Africa, that no one i know will ever contract, but i know what medication to give the person if they do. Completely useless, but completely interesting.

Now, I don't know what to do with myself, yet again. Stew might call later if he goes to see a movie, at least that's what he said on friday... whatever, it doesn't matter (i had to stop myself from writing it don't matter...).

I talked a lot this weekend with a friend of mine from SD, well actually more than one, but Julia is who I am refering to. I barely spoke to her in person in SD, never really hung out, and now I miss the girl because she's been a good friend to me over the internet.

I don't care what you have to say about the internet. I LOVE it.

Anyway.... I hope you all who went to prom had a blast, it sounds like most people did. And I hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend.

As The World Turns

So, I woke up today and went to rehearsal, mostly because I have literally nothing else to do. It went pretty good. Mostly built sets. Unfortunately Willard was doing this scene with Nurse, Juliet, and Lady Capulet, oh and me, as a 'serventman'. It's dumb, I have one line at the very end of the scene, but I have to sit around and do nothing while I wait for my cue. As you can imagine I was going insane with boredom.

Then the cast decided to go visit Josh, which was interesting, mostly because I was one of two people there that could drive, well, Haylee (not sure how she spells it) was able to take one person there, but she had to go to work, and we met Kyle and Tiarra there, so that added two, to the amount of people we had to get into my car. In the end Kyle and Tiarra had to go with Willard in his creeper van and Liz was in my trunk. Yes, she actually rode in my trunk. So then we decide to stop at sonic and get some liquid crack, thereso named because it is seriously delicious and addicting and full of more sugar, really, than anyone should have in a month; by the way, it's a slush with all the flavors they have in one cup. Anyway, feeling bad for Liz in the trunk, I make sure she gets her own, so we get them, I quickly hop outta my car and open the trunk had her the drink, push her back in and drive away. It was probably quite silly to watch. Oh, did I mention the people in my back seat decided to get Liz to yell and pound on my trunk when we pulled up to the window? Yeah, that went over well with the poor Sonic employee.

Also, Liz mentioned that Britni was supposed to straighten my hair, but she hadn't shown up to the last two rehearsals, so she got her mom to bring a straightener thing, and her Tiarra and Sarah made a joint effort and did the deed. It was rather silly to look into the mirror and not fully recognize myself. I kinda think, without my glasses, that I look like Jack Black. by the way, no pics due to my lack of a functioning camera, but Kyle got one with his phone, I dunno if it turned out well.

Anyway, then people started leaving and so I decided I would, and Clint asked me to give him a ride home again, and Kyle asked for a ride to the pool to help decorate. So I did both because it is impossible, really, for me to turn down a request for help.

Now I'm here, bored again. I don't know what to do with myself. If anyone wants to hang out or something, I got nada planned for the rest of the weekend, including the rest of today, no prom for me after all. Anyway, if you don't have my number and you want to hang out, get it from someone, because I'm not posting it here. =p

Have a good weekend all, and if you're going to Prom, have fun, and DON'T HAVE SEX!!!! OR DRINK!!! =p because that is NOT the prom way.

Peace and Love all

Mkay So

I want to go on a road trip. Right now. I want to take off in my POS Ford Taurus and just drive. I want to blast my music from San Diego to the tip of Maine. I want to have been places, seen people, seen this little corner of the world. I want to tear across the desserts, roll through the cities, drive across the plains, and climb the mountains. I want to go to another state, across the nation, on a whim. I want to surf in La Jolla one day Miami Beach the next. I want to be a traveler; no particular direction. I want to keep moving and have people think I'm running from something. Because I don't run from anything. No, I run towards it. I run towards life. Charging into battle on my steel horse and metal charriot. I want to be a nomad; no home of which to speak. My home is where I want it to be, and I want it to be wherever I happen to be. If you see me, you won't know me, no one will, and you won't know if I'll ever come back. I want to bring a small bag of stuff, the barest of bare essentials, and my guitar. I want to discover myself on Lincoln's giant head, and lose myself in the eyes of Niagra. I want to win a fortune in Atlantic City and lose one in Vegas. I want to see Jimi's grave, and touch the wood of red. I want be loved by my brothers and walk in the city of angles.

And through it all, I want you there.

I said I would

So I'm going to blog now =p

Umm... not much to talk about, life has been fairly average lately.

Been going to R & J rehearsal. Picked up three minor parts so far, maybe an fourth if I need to play Abraham or something. It's weird being on stage, and not backstage, like what I'm used to. I'm a comedian at heart so I seem to be liked because I mess around a lot. As many people will inform you I'm weird, and rather goofy, so doing that on stage is usually worth a few laughs. I was glad to see Heather there tonight. And I loved Heather, Kara, and Kyle's part scene, it was awesome.

I came home tonight and my mom told me she bought me some jeans because she noticed all of mine were too big. I was rather shocked to find out that I went from an all-time high of a size 40 waist to a 34. I sound like a girl talking about my size/weight, but whatever, that was really cool to find out.

I'm shivering like a mofo right now, and I don't know why....

Hmm... what else?

Classes are going alright. Though, Adv. Bio is still irking me. I'm glad that we talked Doc into giving us the weekend for that paper, I've been too tired and have had too little time to work on it at all.

I'm looking forward to this next school year, but at the same time I'm not, I don't know, hard to explain, but I guess not because most of you who read this are either in my same boat, are a senior and thus also know how it feels, or have been there in the past, or are close to a senior.

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now, and I need to go to sleep now. I'll post again soon, I suppose. Have good days and good nights, whichever applies at the time of reading.

Holy Crap...

...I'm freaking tired.

Seriously, that's all I have to say...

Okay...Nevermind

So, I guess I'm not going to San Diego after all. It's not like I've been waiting for this for months on end. Nope, I don't care at all. It's fine that one of the coolest things to happen this year is gone to me because of the circumstances.

I can't miss school, there's just too much.

I can't let Willard down, no matter how much I like to gripe about the guy, he's a good guy, and now that I have that small role as Musician #1 aka Simon Catling, I can't let the play down, it means too much to too many.

I need to get a job, but no one wants to hire me, it sucks. I need to be as flexible as possible, just in case, by some off chance, I do get a call and they need me right away. What would I say? "Sorry, I can't start yet, I'm going down to San Diego" while they go and hire someone else.

I want to go sooo bad. I want to go, maybe on my own, or with someone with me, this summer. On my own dime, doing things for myself. That would be great, but I don't think that's realistic either.

I want to do my homework right now, but I can't focus on anything. I'm so mentally drained. I just want to think about nothing really, just talk to a friend, or something.

I want to dream again. I've lost about 7/8ths of my dreams. And I'm a dreamer, it's what I do. When I'm bored I create a world to live in. Envision scenarios with limitless possibilities, opportunities, and outcomes. I can do what I want. I can invite anyone I want into the world. I can live where I want in a big, beautiful home with a slide connecting the kids' rooms to the pool outside, because that's how awesome of a dad I am [not to mention I'd get considerable use out of it :p]. I can have a 6 car garage with two lifts so I can work on cars and motorcycles, and just tinker around. Those are just examples, lately, my dreams are shallow, no depth, no stretch of imagination. Wish for the ordinary, never be disappointed.

I write a lot. I think even more. I think too much. Too many thoughts to keep track. To many feelings to pinpoint.

I need to slow down, take things one step at a time. No more long term, no more planning or dreaming, unless i can differentiate between possibility and likelihood, and the impossible and straight up delusion.

Short term goals...or just one maybe.

Be happy.