Maybe I Won't Look Back

In about a month, I'm going to be back in San Diego. Maybe I'll pack a little heavier than I originally planned. Then again, maybe I won't pack at all. Maybe I'll ask my grandparents if I could stay. I'll babysit the kids across the street, they think I'm fun and their parents are loaded. Maybe I'll start my old life back up. Or maybe I'll start a new one again. This time, it'll be what I want.

I moved here one year ago. I didn't want to. I cried in my grandparent's minivan when we left. I hid it by pretending I was asleep. Now, a year later, I still feel like a stranger to this town. I still feel out of place; an unfamiliar face.

So maybe I'll stay in SD. For a while. I don't think I want to stay in any one place too long any more. I wouldn't mind a life constantly on the road.

Don't get me wrong, I've come to like a lot of people here, I like most people, really. But, I still feel like I have no reason to stay. Like there's nothing left for me here.

I could help Sean fix his Dart and be there when he first cruises down the streets and turns heads.

I could hitch hike across the country. I could save enough money doing odd jobs to get to Europe and go from there.

I wish I lived in the late 1800's. When the days of the cowboy where still around. I could wander the west and get into fights. I could die in a show-down.

What's the modern version of a show-down?

I think I got off topic.... something about a loaded six string on my back...

It kinda feels like nothing in the past year has gone really right, and unfortunately, the world isn't a Disney movie, not everything works out in the end. So, maybe it's time for me to live like the reckless character in an S. E. Hinton novel. Maybe it's time for me to end my small town story and find something else.

Or, maybe it's not. Maybe I do have a reason to stay. I have a month to figure that out, now, don't I?