Now that I’m thinking about it again, man, I was a nervous wreck. You know, I just kinda walked up to her and asked, “So you really want to know why I’ve been so quiet?” She said, “Yeah, of course.” I said, “I’m really nervous because I want to talk to the girl that I really like, and now I am.”

She made a sound like an “aww” but it was different somehow. Then she hugged me and said that she didn’t know, didn’t know what to say or what to do. I told her she didn’t have to do or say anything; that I just wanted to be honest with her. Then I made a joke to kinda lighten things up and we walked out of the classroom together without a word. We split up in the hall and that was that.

(Sorry if that not how you remember it, I took some creative license)

 

So yeah, I had a pretty damn good day overall. I don’t have to go to school at all tomorrow. I’m proud of myself for having A’s in all my classes for the first time since like second grade. I’m proud of myself for doing what I thought was right despite the fact that I nearly puked from nerves and anxiety. I’m really happy with the friends I’ve surrounded myself with, they’re all cool in their own way, they all make me happy, and they’re all really important to me.

I still love my guitar, I don’t care if that is or sounds weird. My guitar is my release, my best friend, my therapist, my mirror, even my teacher.

Talking with Kara this afternoon about college and the future really got me thinking and, honestly, it scared me. Call me stupid, but for the first time I really realized what the next two years of my life will mean. I’ve been in school for 12 years of my life, that’s ¾’s of my life. I really haven’t known anything else but school. Yeah, college is still school, but it’s not the same, it’s not as frivolous, not as care free. College will literally define my future. Who I will become, and what I will do. But I’m just 16! What the fuck do I know? Call me childish for wanting to cling on to my comfortable world and not wanting to go out and experience new things, but that’s just it, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Give it another year and a half and maybe, who knows? Maybe I’ll have it all figured out, where I’m going, what I want to do, but for now, screw that, I just want to be happy. I choose to be happy.